3 Tornadoes and a Baby Hurricane

a definite difference between boys and girls

2009-03-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

What-ever.

VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-24T17:00:00.000-08:00

This is another bragging post about my cousin Kai Kalama. He's up tomorrow night and we need to send the votes through the roof! Here's a link for a great website that Kay put up, you can get all the latest info and voting tips. Go Kai!!!!!!!!!!!!!

More marshmallowey goodness...

2009-02-21T13:10:00.001-08:00

This Saturday morning as I was pretending to sleep (for some reason, no one argues, fights or bugs me when I'm pretending to sleep) someone tip-toed into my room, patted my head, pulled the covers over my shoulders and then kissed me on the cheek. Any guesses who it was?

I will KEEL the girl that breaks his heart.

The child formerly known as Random

2009-02-05T09:03:00.001-08:00

I'm going to officially change Random Child's stage name to Marshmallow Head. And here's why.

First, a background on the moniker, "Marshmallow Head". Long ago, when Marshmallow was a wee lad of 2, Mr. Manly and I went to check in on him in his bed. We first looked lovingly at his brother Responsible Child (with whom he still shared a bed), sleeping sweetly and he was so handsome, with nicely proportioned features. Then we looked over and Marshmallow and we both started laughing. Compared to his brother he had this HUGE honkin' face and head! HUGE!! You know, like the "So I Married An Axe Murderer", ginormous, got it's own solar system noggin. And so we started calling him Marshmallow Head. This name was also very fitting because he is naturally so soft and sweet and gooey.

In the past he's had his share of Love/Hate relationships, especially with Hannah Montana. But I could never really figure that one out because he really likes High School Musical. Isn't that the same thing?

He has also had his heart broken.

And now I'm kind of worried. He nervously asked me for some paper for some Valentines yesterday. I told him that I had already purchased some very manly Power Ranger cards that he could use. Again, he nervously asked me for some paper and I left it at that. And then I found this amazing valentine that he had drawn:

I just don't know what I'll do if she laughs or makes fun of him. I might just be suffering from a broken heart right along with Marshmallow Head.

Diary of a model.

2009-01-30T08:04:00.000-08:00

Are Squeaky's clothing choices merely random, or is she a fashion prodigy? You be the judge.

Exhibit #1Haven't I seen that look on the runway before?

Oh yes. That's Herve Leger's famous "Bandage Dress". You are clever my little cabbage.

Exhibit #2
Is it a shirt or a scarf? Or both? You are blowing my mind Squeaky!

Exhibit #3
Repurposing underwear as outerwear.

Sorry, Madonna but Squeaky does it better (I promise, promise that was a clean pair).

Exhibit #3
Who said that Grunge was dead?

Exhibit #4
It's all about the boots.
For the record, Mileys picture was just taken a couple of weeks ago, and Squeaky's was taken in November of last year. Miley, I think you should give credit where credit is due. You should also wear longer skirts.

Exhibit #5
It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?

And lastly, Exhibit #6 (Borrowing brothers suit jacket)

This is a look that rocked the fashion world back in 1999, and the clever little monkey is bringing it back.

Yikes!

2009-01-22T10:29:00.000-08:00

This is a quick blurb for my YARDSALEMONKEY site. If you're short on cash, you can check out what I did to get 2-$500 Visa cards. You can click HERE or click on the link on the side to re-direct.

I don't have much to report or say (surprise, surprise). But I'll just ramble a little bit. Lots of big things going on this week. Kai was fabulous on AI. Definitely not a ship singer.

Then, free donuts at Krispy Kreme on Inauguration Day. Except, they were not free at the Orem location. I'm guessing that the poor guy running the store was still bent-out-of shape about losing the elections and decided to stick it to everyone by not offering us free, heavenly, calorie laden, donuts of joy. Now listen, if you're familiar with my political persuasion, you know that I voted for the other white meat, but even I think it's pretty heartless to deny artery clogging treats to the masses. Boo to you Krispy Kreme man!

Oh, and I love Spam Musabi and people. I know many of you are grossing out right now because the thought of Spam is repulsive, even hearing the name may be repulsive. But just wait, I'm going to gross you out even more. I was recently told that Fijieans of old, preferred Spam because it reminded them of human flesh. Oooh this is good. I've always been a people-person and now I know why. I just loooove people. And Spam.

Lifestyles of the rich and famous.

2009-01-19T11:20:00.000-08:00

Rich maybe not, famous yes! I've gotta blog and brag about my familia. I come from a family with oodles of musical and artistic talent. Here's a short list of the cards we're holding: We've got two bona-fide models, several recording artists, loads of cousins who worked as Gondoliers at the Venetian, a Disney artist and now...an American Idol. Tune in this Tuesday for the San Fransisco Edition of American Idol. My very handsome and talented cousin, Kai Kalama, will be having his audition. Anyone know the time for Utah? I'm still pretty clueless, I have no t.v. I'm crashing a friends house to watch it. (Ps. I know I haven't blogged in a while, I've been trying to hide from blogging-Is that even possible?)

Nothing says I love you like a finger up the nose.

2008-12-19T08:15:00.001-08:00

It's all about classiness and manners around here.

I could threaten them with duct tape so I could have at least two decent- non-picking-their-nose-or-goofy pictures. But why? Because in the end, the little buggers make me smile.

Oh, and thanks guys for teaching the little princess how to be extremely un-princess like.

I'm having a WALL-E day.

2008-12-16T17:16:00.000-08:00

Moms, have you ever felt like WALL-E? Don't know what the heck I'm talking about? In the movie, WALL-E gets left behind on Earth to clean up the trash that humans make. He's all alone, acts a little crazy, etc. So, sometimes when I wake up in the morning I see this:

And then the hubby leaves for work and the kids leave for school and I'm all alone (well except for the other two humans; one who willingly eats trash and the other who likes to make more). And I clean up after the humans leave. And I'm a little crazy.

p.s. I'm doing a giveaway on Yardsalemonkey. Here's the LINK. wink!

2008-12-12T20:39:00.000-08:00

I'm at a complete loss of words. (Disclaimer: No food was harmed in the taking of this photograph).

sleep in heavenly peace.....

2008-12-09T20:30:00.000-08:00

What ever happened to passing out whenever or wherever you wanted to? So underrated.

Yardsalemonkey....

2008-12-04T08:23:00.001-08:00

I know, like the world probably doesn't need another blog, but I made another one. I'm a bit of a cheapskate and love a good deal so I set up a blog, YARDSALEMONKEY, and I list information about coupons, good deals, giveaways, etc. Peruse if you dare, HERE.

See any resemblance?

2008-12-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

In this picture that I took, Squeaky was pretty angry at me because I was taking her picture instead of getting her head un-stuck from the arm hole of Manly's shirt. It's okay though, I explained to her later that it's all about the blog-and blackmail.

Breakfast of champions

2008-11-26T00:22:00.000-08:00

I asked Dimples to help me set the table for breakfast the other day and this is what I found:

What the heck? He totally forgot the candy corn and soda! He's fired.

half empty, half full

2008-11-23T20:20:00.000-08:00

This post may be a bit long winded and serious, so if you get bored, just look at the pretty pictures here and down below. I try not to be serious too often, because this blog is not about being serious, it's about being silly and how I make up outrageous things about my children. But once in a while I will be serious, just to show you all that I'm not like, Bozo the clown all the time.

Last week I was feeling sorry for myself (I'm really good at that). I was sad because two weeks before that, the plumbing in my "make believe" kitchen was torn out in order to frame-in the new kitchen. So now, I have no running water or sink or real oven, yet I need to cook, clean and feed my family of 6. Just a few inches away from me, a huge, glorious kitchen of my dreams was being built and yet I couldn't even make a meal for my family. Even worse, after the windows go in, work will stop on the house, because the money is running out. The situation felt depressing and bittersweet, even cruel. To fully understand my situation, you need a brief history of my kitchen misfortunes.

One of my first kitchens featured a stove from the 1960's. It was a sad, tiny little thing. The stove was about the same age and lopsided-and scarrrry! There were tears in the linoleum and through the tears I could see the dirt underneath the house. The house was later condemned.

When we bought our current house we didn't know that the sink had a leak. And boy did it leak-and pour! The stove only had one working burner.

I've been married for 10 years and for only 2 of those years have I had a disposal or dishwasher.

Two years ago, I got a disposal and new kitchen plumbing! 6 months later I got a dishwasher!!!! I'm using !!! a lot of !!!! exclamation points in this paragraph because !!! it was very exciting!!!!!!! Seriously, having crappy stuff first makes you appreciate the good life. Then, I got a new stove with a ceramic top!!! Life was beautiful. 3 months later my kitchen was demolished because the wiring was faulty and the foundation was cracked.

I've been using my "make believe" kitchen for almost a year. It's been interesting. I have a "mini bake" oven that is about the size of a microwave and it has two little burners on top. It has been a true lifesaver, however I've learned that I can't use the burners and the oven at the same time. It also burns just about everything because the coils inside are always about an inch from the food. I also can't cook when I'm doing laundry (all on the same electrical circut). The experience has been very humbling.

Before I get to the point of the story (I know you probably wish there were more pictures), I need to add a few more things. I cook a lot. I teach cooking classes for heaven's sake! I have a bit of a reputation for being a good cook; especially when it comes to making desserts. The truth is, I'm not that great of a cook, I just know how to pick a great recipe. I pick a good recipe and make it over and over again and no one seems to notice. I even tell people this, but they don't seem to believe me. I've also made lots and lots of meals for compassionate service. Now, please don't misunderstand me when I'm telling you this. I don't say that to make my self look good, or compassionate or pious-whatever. I always make meals because I'm fast and efficient and fairly sure that my food doesn't gag anyone. And I love to cook for people. It makes me happy. Food=happiness. I also feel that the ability to cook is one of the very few talents I possess. I don't sing or play the piano well. I can't draw worth beans. I may sew, but I can't handle any other handi-crafts. So I cook all the time. That's my way of serving and I feel good about doing it as much as I can. I cook therefore I am. Get the gist?

Hopefully you understand me a little more. The day that I felt depressed, it was all just too much for me (Did I mention that the week before, my "make believe" kitchen flooded three times?). But, as with times of trouble, we often pray more, go to the temple more and behave just a little bit better. And you know what? The next day I felt much better. I felt optimistic and hopeful-even happy.

This past Saturday I woke up early. I woke up at 4:00 am, so it was quiet and everyone was still sleeping off their movie-night hangovers. The very first thought that came into my mind was that I was seeing it all wrong. I was so busy worrying about "Me" that I completely missed a miracle taking place. Did you know that only month ago, half of our old foundation was still stuck in the ground? And now, I have 2,000 sq ft of house in my back yard! Only a month before, I was sure that the foundation wouldn't be poured until next Spring. Yet this work was done by only two men in a very short amount of time. And the work is good. So good that we already have neighbors lined up to have them do their houses too. Even though I'm looking at the same kitchen as before, my vision has now been "corrected". How did I miss it before? Because I felt sorry for myself. What a waste. I saw that my kitchen wasn't done yet, but really I should have seen that my kitchen was in the process of being done. Why am I telling you this? So you don't also waste your time. Because we all do it. Feeling sorry for ourselves. Soooo boring. Soooo ungrateful. And soooo missing out on all the other wonderful things that are going on around us.

See? I'm not Bozo all the time.

Isn't she lovely?

2008-11-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

Take a look at our McMansion:

Roof will be done today, windows next week, what more can a woman ask for? (okay, I might ask for a wee bit of chocolate, but that's it, I swear!)

muted baby

2008-11-19T17:42:00.001-08:00

I, Mrs. SeeifIknewya, solemnly swear that I did not tape that baby's mouth with duct tape. I merely gave it to her. What she chose to do with "said" tape was up to her. I can't be held responsible for Squeaky's actions; although I did enjoy several minutes of solace while she was muted.

99 balloons

2008-11-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

Get your tissues.

We are Chinese if you please (like Lady and the Tramp, minus the Tramp)

2008-11-11T14:10:00.000-08:00

I am beautiful and cranky, take it or leave it.

goings on in a nutshell....

2008-09-29T11:36:00.000-07:00

1. I love that even though I'm just a Mom, I can still tell Darth Vader to stop playing with his food...And he will obey because around here...I use the Force (and coercion).

2. A new school is cool.

This is part of the library with a story telling area.

A HUGE gym for fun on rainy days.

This is one of the itty-bitty pottys for Kindergarteners.

And here's a picture of the entrance to the school. Notice the fancy "Timpanogos" Art Deco lettering? The letters were saved from the original school. Nice touch.

3. Lastly, finding a hidden safe underneath your stairs during demolition is pretty exciting, until you discover that there's only garbage left inside of it. Oh bother!

get thee hence clutter!!!

2008-09-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

So I'm here trying to make a little more space in my two room cottage and realizing that I need to get rid of some stuff. I'm going to post some things and if you want them, all you have to do is leave a comment for it. The first thing up today is Fabulous Mr. T:

Okay, so he's lacking some clothing, dignity and perhaps common sense. But, his voice recorder still works and he says funny stuff like, "I pity the fool that don't go to school (ironic yes?)". Makes a wonderful white elephant gift. It may take me a while to get him to you as he seems to have gone AWOL (he's really popular around here), but he's worth the wait, I assure you.

Drama Mama goes to the library

2008-09-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

Drama, drama. It follows me, I follow it. Here's a fine example.

It's a leisurely day at the library, only I can't seem to make my library card work when I'm logging Dimples onto the computers. Here's what went down that fine day:

Drama Mama: "Library Lady, why doesn't my stinkin' card work? (really, I just asked her what was wrong-really!)".
Library Lady: "Oh" she says politely, "You have a fine of $28 for a damaged book".
Drama Mama: "WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!" I say like a volcano erupting. Okay, so not really erupting, but in my head I could clearly imagine my head popping off at any moment. This eruption is followed by a lot of gasps, "no ways!" and then finally, "I need to see that book"....
Library Lady: "You can get more information at the circulation desk".
Drama Mama(now at the Circ. desk) : "Library Lady, it says in the computer that I have a large fine, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, and I need to see that book now!!!!" Okay, the "didn't do it" part is still in my head at this point but it really, really wants to come out of my mouth, cause I did not, for sure, damage any book!
Library Lady #2 : "Let me go see if I can find it". Library Lady #2 returns with said book and it is indeed damaged. She hands it over to me.
Drama Mama: I look at the book in horror. "No, I did not do this!", "How could this happen? It sat on my shelf, I never even read this!" "How do you know it's my fault?" "Do your guys even check them before they're put back on the shelf?".
Library Lady #2: "Yes, they're pretty thorough, this book looks like it sat in water for a while".
Drama Mama (in my head): Did she just accuse ME of letting a book sit in water like some kind of crazy fool who lets books sit in water??!!! Wahhh! I'm going to get her!!!! "We'll, I refuse to pay for something I did not do!". "I will not pay for it, I will not be checking out books today, and I'm never coming to the library again!!!!!". (Alright, I just said I'm not paying for it and left).
Dimples: "Mom, what about my Thomas books?"
Drama Mama: "Baby, the library said I ruined a book and they said I need to pay for it before I check out any more books. But I didn't do it, and we can't check out books today. I'm so sorry".
Drama Mama: (then to make more drama in the library hall, I call Manly on the cell) : "Manly Man, blah, blah, she accused me of damaging the book, blah, blah, I'm never going to the library again, NEVER!!!!!"
Dimples: "Library books?"
Drama Mama: "Sorry Baby, really sorry".
Drama Mama: (In the car now, driving). "I can't believe that they said I left a book in the water and ruined it, blah, blah, blah". Just then, my life flashed in slow motion before my eyes, "OH---- MY---- GOSH"....... and it hits me like a soccer ball, a HUGE soccer ball to my dramatized head.
Drama Mama: Like a vision of sugar plum fairies in my head, (but they would be really, ugly rotten fairies) I remembered a sultry, summer day. When was that again?. Oh yes, several weeks ago. I had taken the boys to soccer practice. I packed uniforms, treats, toys for squeaky, water, lots of water and........the book. Blasted, cursed library book! Then I remember water, lots of water leaking all over. And me saying, "Ugh, gross!" and tossing the vile, water-logged library book on the shelf where it sat all wet and lonely. Oh, why me!? I killed the book! I'm a vile, killer of books! Woe is me! I did it! I did it! And on top of that I made my baby cry. Please Mother Earth, open up and swallow me and my all of my drama!

And so, a few days later, Drama Mama tip toes back to the Library, pays the fine and checks out as many Thomas the Tank engine books she can find. THE END.

for the love of ice cream

2008-09-18T13:54:00.001-07:00

Observations

When you are a baby, there is quite a large margin of error when you are eating. She's created about a 2 inch ice cream radius around her mouth (you can't tell from the picture, but she's got ice cream eyelashes too).

This is not, by the way, how we clean the table around here.

But, this is how we clean our clothes.

Lastly this is how we give hugs...if you're lucky.

I love you Mr. maker of duct tape.

2008-09-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Squeaky,

For weeks you have tormented me, going around diaperless and unashamed, leaving a trail of Pampers in your wake. But now, you have met your match Sister. (insert evil laugh here)

love and marriage

2008-09-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

So the other day as I'm giving Random his happy vitamins, I remark to Manly Man that I should give him the full amount, it being my birthday and all. Manly Man jokingly says to me, "Maybe you should try some"...............After he realizes that he should be putting both of his rather large feet in his mouth, I laugh and tell him that he is a very lucky man because, fortunately I have inherited the humor gene, and if not for my good sense of humor I would have easily whacked off his handsome head with my large talons. My thought for the day: Humor in a marriage...It's a good thing.

If I knew you were coming, I would have baked you a cake....

2008-09-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

You know I was just thinkin' the other day, what would be like a really good way to give someone bad news or send them a message? I could use snail mail, phone or even email. If I were technologically advanced, I could send them a text or voice mail, but no, that's too impersonal. But wait, I think I've got it.. How about a cake? Yes, a cake would do, definitely a personal touch there.

This one here I would send to my very first college roommate who "borrowed" my socks and underwear without permission (like I would give permission anyways-socks, okay, undies-noooooo!):

This cake I would give to Random Child, after he told his be-ribboned, Kindergarten crush that he loved her and she laughed.

This one, well, I haven't really had an occasion to send one to anyone that I know, but if I do, you can be sure they're gonna get one of these:

These actually came from a very funny site, click HERE to go Cakewrecks. Ps. I don't want to start seeing cakes left on my doorstep if I've offended you.

monkey see, monkey do

2008-09-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

I was completely crushed last night at the park when I realized that the little Squeaky girl I'm raising may not turn out to be a "girly girl" after all. After our family potluck, we sat on the grass to let our bloated-fasting-potluck tummies rest and I let Squeaky run wild like the monkey that she is. She was intently watching this doggie run around, play and do other little doggie things, like, doing his doggie business on the tree. Not a minute goes by and I notice that Squeaky is now by that same tree, with her diaper hanging off one leg and ready to mark her territory as well. Did I mention yet that I've already tried "human" potty training without success? And do you think that this may have anything to do with the afore mentioned baby leash? Anyone know of a good therapist?

excuse me for the blogging break + a recap of recent seeifiknewya events

2008-08-30T07:55:00.001-07:00

So, I've been MIA on the blog and decided to post a recap of the past couple of weeks. Here goes:

1. It's back to school and soccer time. Lots of going here and there. Lots of learning new things and discoveries. Speaking of discovering, Squeaky has discovered that poop does not, in fact, taste good.

2. We took the little monsters to Kung Fu Panda last night and we were exposed to awesomeness -and- attractiveness, but it wasn't free like Po said; it cost a paltry $10.

3. Watched some of the Olympics and discovered quite a disparity among the athletes. While the Olympic Ping Pong team has quite a bit of hussle going down, I'm sorry to say that their skills are not as SUPER FABULOUS as the skills of the Gymnasts. They need to have like, SUPER GOLD medals for athletes with all the extras.

4. Also, speaking of the Olympic commentators, they need to remember who their main audience is and stop bagging on the athletes when they mess up. Seriously, we watched this Romanian gymnast doing a routine on a balance beam, and although she did "biff it" pretty bad, to her credit she had the wits about her to get up and finish the rest of it and it was fantastic. I think the commentators need to realize that most of us couldn't walk across the beam without falling off and getting a concussion, let alone flip backwards several times, and they need to ease up a little bit.

5. No more speedos. Yuck.

6. Had lots and lots of belly laughs when the scoring was all messed up with the gymnasts and Bela Karoyli exclaimed over and over again, "Isa ripoff! Isa ripoff!".

7. I secretly want to be Sarah Palin when I grow up.

8. It is not funny when you discover that you've worn your shirt inside-out, in public, all day long.

9. Finished the Twilight series during soccer games/practices/etc., etc. and liked the vampire storyline (you know I'm a StarWars, StarTrek, LOTR geek & am obsessed with superpowers), but could do without all the mushy stuff.

10. Lastly, the voting for our crazy house ends this SUNDAY, and if you still want to vote or want to bug anyone else to vote, we would greatly appreciate it! Cross your fingers everyone!

back to school blues

2008-08-20T09:32:00.000-07:00

I started out this week thinking that I would be so happy to send the crazies off to school. Turns out that I miss the little buggers and I'm the one singing the blues. Here's a school memory from the past to start off the week.

Responsible Child has been followed since Kindergarten by two of the most adorable, squeaky little twin girls; Charice and Chantilly. When I'd go through Responsible Child's backpack everyday, I would find it secretly stuffed with love notes and pictures from Charice. The pictures had hearts and stick figures drawn holding hands. For Responsible's birthday he even got a handpainted mural from the girls. I think Responsible didn't really understand it all, and I don't really think he cared. We'll, I think he cared a little. As part of my past PTA duties I hosted an ice cream party for his class and as usual Random and Dimples came along. The kids were dancing to salsa music, eating and having fun. Random was turning on the charm and I found him holding hands and dancing in circles with Charice. And then he was dancing with Chantilly. And I noticed, that for the first time, Responsible noticed too. He looked kind of stunned. I hope it's not the same way when they're older...

Free the leash kids

2008-08-14T10:36:00.001-07:00

I have an account on Facebook and I came across a many groups advocating "Freeing Kids From Child Leashes". They're all about letting the kids run willy nilly and any where they desire. While I'm all for that, the leashes, believe it or not do serve a very useful purpose. I think I'd be willing to take Squeaky off the leash, if, they would be willing to come to my house and run after her as she bolts to the busy 45 mph street, in 95 degree weather all day long. I added one of their buttons to my Flair board as a joke, cause I just don't care. I think I'm going to create a group too, I'm going to call it, "I Only Put A Leash On My Child When We're Near The Street, Or Around Lots Of People So She Won't Be Kidnapped/Molested Or Flattened By A Car, Or When You're At The Library So She Won't Jump In An Elevator And Take Off Without You, Or When You're So Pregnant That You Can Barely Walk And Your Kids Seem To Know It And Take Advantage Of That Fact, So There You People With Groups Against Leashes Who Have No Kids And Don't Know What You're Talking About". Do you think that title is too long?

sooooo sad... wah for me... pity party.

2008-08-11T14:43:00.000-07:00

I saw this on another person's blog and thought it was funny:

Oh, this was a good post! Lots of comments! People like me!

Oops, what happened? Nobody commented today. What did I do wrong?

Oh, goody! Some more comments on this one!

Look. Some new people commenting! I wonder who they are? I'll go check out their blog, too!

Oh, no. Where did everybody go? Nobody likes me. This stinks.

llamas and bosoms and sculptures, OH MY!

2008-08-09T07:18:00.000-07:00

We took a little trip last week to the Hare Krishna temple during the SeeIfIKnewya's reunion. The kids were very excited to go because they were going to pet some llamas (since they'd just watched Jimmy Neutron the night before). We also had a nice tour of the temple and the YIC (yogi in charge) sang some songs and taught the kids some chants. I liked the singing (even though I heard many snickers) and thought that finding out a little more about their culture was very interesting. As we were leaving, Random Child turns to me and says, "Why are there pictures of boobs?". Say what? And lo and behold as I survey the room there are indeed lots and lots of bare bosoms and as a bonus a there was also a nice sculpture. Now that, I say, is very interesting. After, I felt very relieved that Random chose to question me alone about the pictures instead of shouting it out loud or asking the Yogi personally, because usually, Random is completely without guile in this type of situation. Although relieved, I do admit that I would've liked some explanation for the peep show.

food storage anyone?

2008-08-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm teaching a class this Thursday at 7:00 in the Macey's little theatre. If you want to attend, you can go in and sign up or I believe that you can call the service desk and have them add you to the list. The class is all about making fun foods with your food storage (like fudge and tootsie rolls) and also about different ways to add items like nuts, candy, raisins to your inventory by vacuum sealing them in jars. I'm also teaching how to bottle butter. Post if you have any questions. I have a food storage site on the left hand side with the links if you'd like more info.

you know you've been living in Utah too long when...

2008-08-04T08:53:00.001-07:00

I think Random Child is having an identity crisis because he thinks that he's white. I keep telling him that he's brown and polynesian, but he's not convinced. Nice.

Back off my stuff Random Child!

2008-08-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

My beloved Random child has struck again. He has a knack for being able destroy things with a single touch. Oh if it weren't for his puppy dog eyes and constant hugs, I'm sure I would have sold him in a yard sale by now. He has, somehow managed to render Manly Man's car completely useless. While playing in the car on Thursday, he burned out the motor that pushes the driver's seat back and forth so the seat got stuck in a permanent position only inches from the windshield. Manly Man, thankfully, was only a few blocks away and drove with his legs pushed sideways and his face nearly pressed against the windshield. Manly Man worked into the wee hours of the night to un-bolt the seat and was quite unhappy about the whole situation; especially since Random has been reminded many times to stay away from the gizmos and gadgets in the Green Goblin (the pet name for our Accord).

Then, this morning as we were on our way to a baptism, I noticed that the passenger's seat of our other car was pushed almost all the way up, with Random's legs stretched out on the other side. Oh child, when will you learn? Random Child was quite relieved when I figured out how to put it back into position and was able to escape my wrath.

The upside of the story is that Manly Man had to take the day off to fix the Goblin and then got spend the rest of the day making BBQ and splashing at the water park with the rest of the fam like he wanted to. It's funny how things work out. It's almost as if Random Child knows exactly what he's doing in an annoying, round-about way. (PS. Please vote for our falling down house!)

Cheese...and lots of it!

2008-07-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading The Host, and I must say that I really, really liked it. It has, however, come to my attention that according to some, this type of genre is very cheesy and un-scholastic, which is probably not even a word. What can I say to that other than that I am a very cheesy! I like Little House on the Prairie, The Brady Bunch, nada coladas, getting caught in the rain, warm soft fuzzy animals (humans included) with big brown eyes and even though Precious Moments figurines kinda creep me out, I'm starting to like those too.

Furthermore, I am a geek. I like Star Trek (I have owned several costumes) and Star Wars, and in High School I learned how to read and speak Latin because I thought that was cool. And I don't know why I just outed myself like that.

That being said, I'm going to stop worrying so much about my book choices, because frankly, it keeps my mind from turning to mush and keeps me from conversatin' about alligator underwears with Dimples. And....I just got Twilight and I'll be reading it to my hearts content. See ya!

I pity the fool!

2008-07-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

I found fabulous Mr. T at DI the other day. I'm not sure why any reasonable person would need one, but it was only $1 and he his recorder still works-so I figured that I must be it's new owner. I think I'll save him for a really great white elephant gift. Oh and I checked him out on eBay and he's selling for about $100 bucks. Yikes!

seriously-what normal person could sleep like this?

2008-07-21T08:47:00.001-07:00

mmmmmmmmm

2008-07-17T07:31:00.000-07:00

I walked into my pseudo kitchen the other day to find Dimples playing with his food; or so I thought. Turns out that macaroni and cheese is indeed a delicacy when mixed with a heaping spoonful of creamy peanut butter. He was actually eating it-and-enjoying it. He quickly regained his senses though and told me that he was going to send the rest to Hannah Montana.

Sunday funnies

2008-07-13T14:23:00.000-07:00

Sunday hairdo tutorial:

1. You must use a fistful of hair putty .
2. You must only smear it down the middle and absolutely no where else.
3. You must not let your mother correct it, you must leave it to harden until it becomes like a built in helmet. (p.s. you need to click on the 2nd photo to see what I'm talking about)Here's the answer to a question that many have inquired of over the years (the answer came in Primary from Mr. D, age 9, a boy wise beyond his years):

Primary president: "What do missionaries do with all their time?".
Mr. D: "Play basketball" (Ha! And you thought proselyte was the correct answer).

I've got a baby that wears a leash and child that now requires a helmet

2008-07-10T17:14:00.000-07:00

I've heard a lot of this lately, "Lady, don't you know it's child abuse to put your child on a leash?" Or, "Do you also have a shock collar for that kid?". But I say this, "Whatever (like Nacho Libre)". I can't wait to hear the groans after Dimpled Child's latest adventure, because I think that he may be required to wear a helmet from now on. Before I get to Dimpled Child's latest adventure, you must first know his Head Wound History. Please view these pictures with extreme caution:

Exhibit #1 (Cut next to his eye, courtesy of the futon, made just before a well-needed date for David and I).

Exhibit #2 (Dimples vs. futon, round 2. He was running on the futon and almost fell and hit the arm, Manly Man caught him before the fall, only to have Dimples jump up, run and fall on the opposite arm. That was the cry heard 'round the world, well after a way long, silent cry)

Exhibit #3 (This is actually a shot from before, but it shows a red spot where he smacked his face two more times in the following months-leaving a permanent dimple in that area).

Exhibit #4 (Why yes, those are staples in my child's head)

Exhibit #5 (Last but not least, this is what happens when you don't check if you're child is buckled in. I stopped short in the parking lot and my lovely Dimpled child bonked his head on the windshield and cracked it. No cuts, no head trauma or memory loss, I attribute that to the fact that he was wearing his Superman outfit that day)

Why does having a monkey on your back have to be a bad thing?

2008-06-30T07:29:00.001-07:00

Squeaky is here modeling a fancy version of the dreaded child leash. In this modern era, it now comes in several styles, this one being the monkey. I wonder if the makers of this model thought this one through or if it was really a coincidence? Are they trying to stick it to the parents subliminally by using a monkey, instead of like an eagle? Or would that just be irony? Are they getting a great big kick out of the whole situation because all the parents that use the monkey version look like big, oppressive jerks? But I say, how can oppression possibly be wrong when it's covered up by a sweet, fuzzy brown minky? You be the judge. For now, I will continue to oppress while wearing a big smile on my face. (I just realized that she has a forlorn look in this picture, bad monkey, bad Mommy!)

The pitfalls of a low-budget vacation

2008-06-25T13:49:00.000-07:00

Some people get to see this on their vacation:

Some people get to see this:

Or maybe even this:

But if you're on a low-budget and you're visiting podunk, you get to see this:

And this:

Yep, that's right, I got to see trees chock full of shoes and bras. Are you happy now? Sheesh!

Hi, my name is Dimples and I'm from Planet Crazy

2008-06-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

Every time I talk to Dimples, I realize that he's living on a completely different planet, let's say, Crazy Planet. The way he interprets what we say is humorous and sometimes bizzare (hence, babies that turn into alligators and wear underwear-I still haven't gotten to the bottom of that one). It's like he has some crazy talk converter in his head that takes normal language and ideas and turns them into ideas and thoughts that absolutely no one-except for residents of Planet Crazy-could understand. Oh, and did I mention that there's a crazy Dimpled child language? Here are some examples of how Dimpled child interprets everyday occurences:

He refused cupcakes at BBQ because he thought the sprinkles were cheese (I wouldn't eat cupcakes with cheese either). I took A LOT of convincing before he believed otherwise. When he finally came around, all of the cupcakes were gone. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

He was adamant that he could see pigs on "Y" mountain. He told me they had sharp teeth and they were very mean. I inquired of him how they got up there in the first place and he told me that, "People frow (throw) dem (them) up dere (there). (Wow, if it were only that easy to throw livestock). I found out later from Manly Man that he told Dimples about wild boars in Samoa. How they got on "Y" mountain from Samoa I'll never know. I should ask him. He'll probably have a super answer. (So I did ask him today about the pigs and here's what I got, "The guy picked up the pigs in his car and took them to the mountain. It was fun. The pig bit the guy". "So how did the pigs come across the ocean from Samoa ?". "They jumped across". I could have argued with Dimples about the single jump from Samoa, but by now I figure it's pretty pointless. What gets me too is that he never ever hesitates with his answer. I swear he is hiding something from me).

Here are some fine examples of Dimpled Child language:

These are things he's said to Manly Man and I when he was mad at us: "You are a fart" and "You are nothing". OUCH! I can't decide which insult is worse.

When he wants his way he tries reverse psychology: Mom to Dimples, "I said no". Dimples to Mom, "You say yes!". Mom to Dimples, "You've been naughty, so the answer is no". Dimples to Mom, "Naughty means yes!".

This is how Dimples says hallelujah, "howareyouya". I added that for sugary goodness.

2008-06-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

I had to post some of my favorite photos taken of Uncle Bud at my wedding before we take off to California for the funeral. For years people mentioned how much they liked my wedding; inevitably they would mention Uncle Bud. I'm now starting to realize that everyone really liked my wedding because of Uncle Bud and his fabulous entertaining skills. It's hard to sum up all the memories and feelings I had for him, but this comment from Uncle Freddy says it well: "I know Heavenly Father has a special purpose for Buddy, there are many children that need the love and caring nature of this delightful individual". Uncle Bud had the biggest heart of anyone I knew, I only only wish his physical heart was big enough and strong enough to let us have him here with us just a little bit more.

If you're having a bad day, I guarantee this will make you feel much better.

2008-06-06T16:48:00.001-07:00

If you're not privy to the SeeIfIKnewya's house drama, here's a little introduction with much more to follow. The back of our house is falling off due to a sunken, cracked foundation (this is the addition not the main, which is fine for now-knock on plaster). There's actual good that has come from this situation, believe it or not. One good thing is that I am learning to cope with stressful situations much better and I'm getting pretty good at taking it one day at a time. I've learned that when a crisis situation arises that I can take a break, have some of my chocolate stash (cause you know that just about all moms have one) and I can revisit the crisis later without having the even slightest of meltdowns. The following conversation between me my neighbor who shares my plight, illustrates this point.

Neighbor (on the phone): Hi, Mom.
Mom: Hey Rachel, how are you?
Neighbor: Oh, not so great. I hate to bother you, because you have all your house troubles, but my basement that we just finished last week has been flooded by our explosive water heater.
Mom: Dang, I'm sorry! I'm not sure what kind of skills Manly Man possesses in that area, but I'll send him over when he gets home (Don't you love that I act as if I have some little handy man hidden away that I can use at will to respond to emergencies?).
Neighbor: I would so appreciate it, sorry to bother you again.
Mom: No worries, in fact I'm glad you called. I was starting to feel sorry for myself because my fridge, micro, washer and stove blew out today because we have very few outlets left. Hearing about your drama makes me feel a little bit better. Is that wrong to feel that way?
Neighbor: Actually when my basement flooded, I told myself that at least my house wasn't falling off like yours.

And that's when we both had a really good laugh. Hopefully, if you've had a bad day, this will help you put things in perspective, because we all have days like this, don't we?

No pockets? No problem.

2008-06-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

I've just been informed that if you have no pockets that this is an excellent alternative (that's a wallet in Dimpled Child's waistband). This is also a great option if you frequently wear stretchy pants. I would not recommend this if you carry a firearm or explosives.

Alligator Panties

2008-05-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

"Mom, when Squeaky grows up to be an alligator, she's going to wear underwear" says Dimpled Child. "Dimpled Child, alligators don't wear underwear" (Notice how I'm completely unfazed by the illogical thinking and don't even think about correcting the notion that one day my baby will evolve into a reptile). "Yes they do" he says, laughing hysterically, "They wear BIG underwear!". Later, I follow up on this conversation (when your days revolve around laundry and legos you start to find this sort of fodder intriguing). "Dimpled Child, alligators really don't wear underwear" (Can you believe that I'm even trying to reason with this kid?). "Yes they do! They wear Barbie underwear". "Barbie underwear? Are you kidding? Alligators are big and Barbie underwear is small, that makes no sense" (Who's not making any sense now, Mama?). "No, they wear BIG Barbie underwear!". "Oh", I said, "Now that makes sense".

I'm starting to think there's a secret society comprised of seemingly innocent, cherub faced 3 & 4 year olds. They seek to gain favor with their parents by distracting them with very cute but illogical thinking, and as I'm writing this I'm starting to recognize a pattern of misbehavior followed by funny comments from Dimpled Child. Dang, I really need to get some grown up friends.

Expounding on The Plan of Salvation...Courtesy of Dimpled Child

2008-05-27T05:56:00.000-07:00

The SeeIfIKnewya's took a little trip up to Grandpa's grave on Sunday. We were there along with Grandma SeeIfIKnewya, Daniel and Lever. Grandma was talking about some funny random things and after that proceeded to get down to the good stuff. She was talking about how even though Grandpa's grave was here, his spirit was not, and that eventually the spirit and body would rejoin in the Resurrection. Whilst Grandma is explaining, Dimpled child is pleading to put his two cents in and at the time I'm thinking, "We're at the grave, we're having a lovely spiritual discussion and my child is about to say something utterly brilliant". However, out of the mouth of a babe comes this, "Grandma, Grandma, there was something willy (really) gwoss(gross) in the sandbox. It was a tomato. Ewwwwwwww!".

The names have been changed to protect the innocent....

2008-05-26T05:25:00.000-07:00

So we have this sweet social worker neighbor (who is very cute and single and if you are a manly-temple worthy-single guy give us a call and we'll set you up) who mentioned that we might want to remove the kids names from the website to protect them from all the creepies out there. And we do have creepies; my neighbor a block down had several break ins from a guy who was "looking for little girls and porn" and a different neighbor found a guy in their baby's room one night looking for the same thing. Okay this was the same guy and he was caught, but I'm feeling cautious nonetheless. So here are the new names:

Oldest child will hereafter be called-Responsible child
2nd child will hereafter be called-Random child
3rd child will hereafter be called-Dimpled child
4th child will hereafter be called-Squeaky child.

Take that all you creepies!

The Westlake Ward

2008-05-23T06:12:00.001-07:00

Lara Stubben Burton just set up a website for the WESTLAKE WARD. It's been so fun catching up with everyone this past week. There are tons of old and new photos, discussion boards-even a discussion about a possible reunion next year. I've also been learning a lot about my Scholer cousins that I didn't know about before. Krista Thornton Schmitz claims that when she babysat Makeli that he used to chase after her with a butcher knife and that Kiana always had a bucket on her head. Who knew?

The ongoing saga of Random Child's Love/Hate relationship with Hannah Montana

2008-05-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd share this little gem that I picked up in the back yard whilst cleaning up after Manly Man's work crew. It is two cups taped together and inside is an old, half-eaten hot dog bun; it is addressed to you know who. Now if you want to totally insult someone, this is the way to do it. I can't think of a better way to say, "I hate you", to someone than by sending them a rotting piece of food encased by two dirty plastic cups. Wouldn't it be fabulous if I found a way to get backstage passes for Random Child and I when Hannah Montana comes for the Stadium of Fire? That would just make my year!

Love notes

2008-05-19T08:19:00.000-07:00

I walked into the bathroom today to find this replacing my slightly stale towel. It reads, "I am thankful for my hands-Dimpled Child". Which reminds me, yesterday in church this gal said that all those little serendipitous occurrences in life (like receiving the money you needed for a washer via an unexpected check in the mail, meeting an acquaintance out of the blue that had a job lead, etc.) are little love notes from God. Imagine my surprise yesterday when I walked into my bathroom and found a love note of my very own. I'm thankful for his hands too.

Bizzaro Garden of Eden

2008-05-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

This is what I imagine things would look like in the Bizzaro Garden of Eden. You may ask, why is that child wearing a fleece costume in 100 degree heat? Or why is your child naked and eating rotting fruit off the ground? You may even be asking, just what kind of mother are you? Well, the answer is... Okay, there is just no good explanation. (For those of you have already seen this and wondered about the edit: Manly Man (my husband) has declared that, "There shall be no nudies on thy webpage". And so I have tastefully added a fig leaf to the child who spent most of his early years without clothing.)

Things to ponder........

2008-05-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

1. Why is it that if I put my foot up on the table, it's skanky? But if Squeaky Child puts her foot up on the table, it's finger (or toe) lickin' good?

2. What if a person is overly plump, lays around all day eating, sleeping and soiling their pants-If that person is an adult they are called a lazy pig, but if you are a baby it is out- of- this- world-fabulous?

3. Lastly, if you are slowly losing your marbles and you are poor they call you "crazy", but if you have money they call you "eccentric"?

And that's all I have to say about that.

Photos for the day

2008-05-13T08:41:00.001-07:00

Some random pictures, of my favorite men.

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

Here's Random Child's gift to me for Mother's Day; it's very insightful. I like oatmeal (yes, I'm a regular kind of gal), I am terrific, I like five sided objects, I eat (he knows me well) and I read (and write!). I love it when the kids make me notes or drawings in their little scrawl. They are the best gifts, really! When I was a teenager I thought it would be really lousy to get a gift like that. But something changes once you have kids and you appreciate the little crumpled Rembrandts they are constantly creating for you. What gets me too is how your Mom is excited when you make something for her and tells you it looks really nice-even though it's sort of ugly. I think my Momma still does that for me and it's very sweet. Love you Mom. Happy Mother's Day!

American Tribal Style Belly Dancing

2008-05-09T08:07:00.000-07:00

I saw an ad for this class at the local arts center the other day; I'm not going to take it though, I'm already way too busy with my Asian Tahitian Yoga class.

American Tribal Style Belly Dancing (Was that the Sioux or Apache tribe?)
Dates: July 8-July 29 (Tuesdays)
Time: 6-7 p.m.
$40 for 4 weeks

This beginning level class will focus on learning to isolate body parts from one and other (Oh, you mean like rubbing your stomach and patting your head at the same time? I already know how to do that-I'll keep my $40 bucks thank you), drilling technical movements (If that drill involves jiggling my belly fat over and over again-forget it!), as well learning and mastering the American Tribal Style vocabulary for improvisational dance (Okay I'm still stuck on the fact that I don't remember hearing of any Belly Dancing Indians in history class) while creating a sense of self and sisterhood (Hmm, if you don't already have a "sense of self" you shouldn't take this class, it could be very confusing).

Picasso I am not

2008-05-06T19:47:00.000-07:00

Like I said, I'm no Picasso. But this idea rocks! We made some more kid plates from Makit. (These are the favorite plates to eat on by the way and they make sweet gifts as well). One idea was to make a family tree plate. I made one with all our info and then added a scripture on the bottom, "Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy. Lovin' it.

This is what happens when you are incoherent on the couch with a nasty bout of food poisoning

2008-05-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I was laid up on the couch with a debilitating case of food poisoning. Now I don't want to mention any names but the place I ate at starts with an Mc and ends with Donalds. You would think that I would have learned my lesson by now but apparently I have a fancy for a stomach cramps and diarreah. I spent most of my day rolling around on the couch, going to the restroom and then rolling on the couch. As I was turning on my side yet again, I caught Random Child running into the living room and setting the digital camera on the piano. Now at this point I've got a fever of 102, my insides are burning and I can't breathe because of allergy issues and the "Don't ask, don't tell policy" goes into affect. This means that unless the house is on fire or someone is bleeding I am not going to ask any questions. I picked up my camera today and found out how Random Child was keeping himself busy during all those blessed hours. It reminds me of an American Express commercial. Pepto Bismo-$5, Ear thermometer-$40, Knowing how your kid spent his time when you were passed out on the couch-Priceless!

2008-05-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

Fun with fonts! (Well, my idea of fun anyways)

So have you ever wondered where to get all those cool fonts (Cause you know I'm definitely not hanging around wondering about fallen trees in a forest)? Well, there are tons of places out there on the web where you can get them for free. My two favorite sites are fontgarden and dafont. All you need to do is download the ones you like, unzip and then move them to where your font files are on your hard drive-and Voila you are now Superfancy! Some sites even have funny quotes which are good for a laugh or when your mind is sticky and you just don't have anything decent to say on your blog that day. Here are some of mon favorites, they remind me those Jack Handy quotes from SNL:

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for life."

“Everyone loves a moose, some just don't know it”.

“Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot and a great big bag of money”

“I try to take one day at a time but sometimes, several days attack me at once”.

“Sticks and stones.may break my bones but words will make me go into a corner and cry by myself for hours”.

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

Enjoy!

Ma'am I think we have a problem here with your vents.....

2008-04-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, so when I started this blog I had never intended there to be so much talk about bodily functions. But alas, when you have children, so much of your life now revolves around much pee-pee and poo-poo talk. I will try to make this the last entry of this sort for a while so as not to be accused of running a "Blog of Bodily Functions". I feel strongly though that this story must be told. This story is about Dimpled Child. Dear Dimpled Child. He has a fascination with relieving himself whenever and wherever he pleases. How do I know this? Well, it all goes back to the atrocious stink in the bathroom. After much scrubbing, washing and much threatenings about the virtues of hitting the potty instead of the trash can when you piddle, the bathroom still captured the stench of a port-a-potty in 100 degree weather. I did all I could, but after about a month, the mysterious stench still remained. As I was cleaning out Dimpled Child's room one day, I noticed a familiar subway-station smell in the corner by the heating vent (and this happens to be a vent that is shared with the bathroom). You know where I'm going with this right? The bathroom stinks not because of the lack of aiming skills, but because the bathroom shares a vent with Dimpled Child's room; where for some reason he has chosen to piddle in the corner---repeatedly. When I confronted Dimpled Child about the stinky corner in his room at first he denied the deed, then he smiled, barely concealing his secret delight of having his own personal potty next to his bed. I usually have a lot to say as a Mom, I usually freak-out and way overreact when the kids do something so bone-headed, but this time, I had no words at all. I eventually cleaned it and scolded and went on with life. But the story does not end there. In the fall we decided to have all the heating vents cleaned and sanitzed. The cleaning guy went about his work, until of course he got to Dimpled Child's room. Now at this point, I could tell you what the guy said when he got to Dimpled Child's vent, but you've probably guessed it already. It appears that I needed to correct myself when I said that Dimpled Child had "a" potty in his room; apparently he had two.

Absolutely refreshing!

2008-04-25T09:24:00.001-07:00

If only root canals could be that enjoyable.

Girl....You'll be a woman soon

2008-04-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

Allright, so back in the day when I was in the making the PTA rounds I volunteered to help out with the "Maturation Program". You all know what that is right? It's that dreaded day when as a pre-teen they huddle you into a darkened room like sheep to the slaughter and show you the horrifying and confusing "sex education" movie. You know the movie; it's in B&W and from the 50's and you have absolutely no idea what they are talking about because in those days they didn't say things like "period" or "uterus" and they replaced those terms with "flower" and "fertile valley". Thankfully, things have gotten much better. I was on hand for the last installment of the program to set up refreshments and I had brought Random Child and Dimpled Child along with me. As I was finishing the set-up, the gal giving the presentation was starting. She was very informal and relaxed and instead of looking horrified like I was back then, the girls were giggling (Ok, I was giggling too because I still laugh when I hear the words "tampon" or "pad"; sadly I have not yet progressed past 3rd grade mentality). The presenter proceeded to tell the girls, "There are some big changes that are going to be happening to all of you". At that moment Random Child's head popped up and with a bewildered look he said, "What?!". In true Mackie fashion, his comment was loud enough to be heard within a 5 mile radius and everyone was laughing. Hmm....maybe it's time to pay a little visit to the room where they are giving the "boys version".

These boots were made for walkin

2008-04-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I made this digi page a while back, and while it's kind of busy and ugly it still makes me laugh. All last Winter and Summer (that's right Summer!) he wore these ridiculous, stinky boots. I washed them like crazy and the stink would not leave. And of course, Dimpled Child refused to wear socks with them which made matters worse. When we were out in public people always told Dimpled Child that his boots were really cool; but I think he already knew that. Oh and how he loved those boots! In a way I loved them too because he could put them on all by himself. After many threatenings, David finally hid them and we haven't seen them since....I think I read somewhere that every time you smell mildew it's just another kid's boots arriving in stinky boot heaven.

I've extended the 5 second rule to 1 hour

2008-04-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, these children are slurping stagnant water out of a stopped-up drain at Grandma Siufanua's old house. How long has that water been there? Oh, like forever. And isn't it cute how Random Child is sitting there so patiently waiting for his turn?Uncle Feleni finally unclogged (reminds me so much of a toilet) it a couple of years later so the children would stop using it as a water fountain. He was very descriptive of the muck that was down at the very bottom; I had to cover my ears and leave. Funny thing is, the kids never got sick, and this is where the extention of the 5 second rule comes in. I figure that if my kid can drink sludge from a stopped up storm drain and not get sick, then that banana that just fell onto the floor is fair game. Heck, if you found it days later and it is technically still food, then by all means help yourself to it little one; Mommy knows your tummy can handle it.

Mother's little helper

2008-04-17T10:08:00.001-07:00

Dimpled Child: Mommy, Mommy, when I spit on the mirror I cwean it wike dis (making large circular motions with his hands). It's all cwean!
Mom: Dimpled Child, why are you spitting on the mirror?
Dimpled Child: It's all cwean. I cweaned it, I cweaned it!
Mom: Oy!

Word definitions
cwean=clean
wike=like
dis=this

The randomness of children

2008-04-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

The scene: Library
The cast: Mom, Responsible Child, Random Child, Dimpled Child, Squeaky Child and the unfortunate library helper

Mom: Okay, if we want to play on the computers we need to sign up over here.
Library helper: Please spell your names for me and I'll put you on the list.
Random Child: My name's Random, Random, Random.
Responsible Child: My name is spelled R-e-s-p-o-n-s-i-b-l-e.
Random Child: Hey, my brother knows how to write in cursive.
Library helper: Allright, how do you spell Random Child?
Random Child: Oooh, ooh, can I have my headsets yet?
Responsible Child: His name is spelled R-a-n-d-o-m.
Dimpled Child: I'm a boy.
Random Child: Can I have the headsets, pleeeeeese!?
Library helper: Now how do to spell your name (to Dimpled Child)?
Dimpled Child's: It's spelled D-i-m-p-l-e-d.
Mom: Hey, how did you know that?

The End (well for that hour of the day at least)

Yet another reason to be crazy about Random Child

2008-04-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

You gotta love a kid that changes his score on a spelling test.

Booger Hair: Another big difference between boys and girls

2008-04-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

These photos are not from a crime scene, unless of course you think my apparent lack of mothering skills is criminal. No, these photos were taken to illustrate the phenomenon of Booger Hair. You see, all of our boys came out looking like Yetis and were promptly given buzz cuts at the tender age of 5 months. I was pretty good at the cleanliness thing back then and they never had more than a pleasant little crust around the nose. Now Squeaky Child comes along with her long girly hair and it is constantly plastered to her face with booger glue. This is another new thing for me as a Mom of a girly girl. Now, she usually has her hair pulled back with elaborate bows or ribbons and you might think it is because I am a sweet and precious Mom, but the truth is I really don't like Booger Hair.

Trash or Treasure?

2008-04-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

I haven't quite figured out the allure of garbage. But Squeaky Child can't seem to get enough of it. Maybe she's hungry? Maybe she's trying to steal my identity? Or just maybe she likes the adrenaline rush you get from bargain hunting; you never know what you're going to find and when you do find it you know it's going to be "cheep, cheep, cheep" (I added that as a reference to the post below). The first photo pictured is of Squeaky Child feasting on "Styrofoam Stroganof" (yes, that is an extra piece of styrofoam hanging out of her mouth) and in the second pic she's added a spoon to this adventure in order to enjoy her "Chocolate Caramel Cake Infused With Tomato Puree (katsup). Oh and in the third picture, well I just added it because it was really cute!

The secret life of easter chicks

2008-04-11T14:00:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what the chicks are doing while you're out running errands? Check out Sloane Tanen's books for a good time.

Cowboy and Octopus

2008-04-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

This is one of my new favorite kids books by Jon Scieszka. It's a collection of five short stories featuring the friendship between a cowboy and octopus. I know, I know where do a cowboy and octopus ever have the occasion to meet or form a relationship given that one of them doesn't even speak? It's ridiculous and that's part of why I like it; after all, how many times can you read about Corduroy losing his button for the umpteenth time and not want to put your eye out. I find that children's books often impart wisdom and humor and if they are well written are as enjoyable to read for parents as they are for children. Here's one of the last stories in the book.

How do you mend a broken heart?

2008-04-09T11:01:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day about how much Random Child despises (or secretly loves) Hannah Montana. I wonder if it was perhaps because he was scorned by his first love and has never quite gotten over it. Maybe it has something to do with the "Kindergarten drama" that occurred last year. One day Random Child came home to tell me about "His Girl" Anahi. He told me frequently that he liked her because of her hair; that is, I'm guessing it was her hair because when he talked about her he made these sweeping motions over his head and said "she has these things in her hair". A few weeks later he came home to tell me that he was no longer friends with Ky because he had stolen "His Girl" as well as a few others. The final draw came towards the end of the school year when with tears in his eyes he exclaimed to me, "I told Anahi that I loved her-and she laughed at me!". Oh the heartbreak.

Church in your jammies

2008-04-07T09:15:00.000-07:00

I so look forward to those 2 Sundays during the year when I can roll out of my bed and automatically be at church on my couch. I'm going to have to say that I loved the last talk by Elder Ballard who admonished women to stop driving themselves crazy and take time out for themselves. And did you think the note from Elder Monson's wife was hilarious? It's comforting to know that I'm not the only wife that thinks that way. I just went to the church website and downloaded the first session for my Ipod (right click on the MP3 icon and save the file) so I can listen to the talks that I missed; yeah that's right I missed some because I fell asleep, in fact I think it's a widely known conference rule that you MUST sleep through at least 2 talks otherwise you are not normal. What was your favorite part of conference? Feel free to post your comments!

Mom's a Beauty Queen

2008-04-07T08:56:00.000-07:00

Dimpled Child drew this picture for me yesterday and with a big eyed expression said, "Mom, this is a picture of you!". I replied, "Umm, thanks it's really nice Dimpled Child". As I studied it though, I thought that maybe he is really giving me a compliment. Aside from the freakishly large head, note the legs and arms; they are stick thin, I'm lovin that. From what I can tell, I cannot detect a butt or stomach, which means they are so small that they cannot be detected; no problem with that either. I also have BIG beautiful eyes and a big smile (which he probably doesn't see enough of). It's the thought that counts. So, the next time your child finger paints with his diaper contents or scratches pictures into your oak dinner table, remember, he or she is merely saying, "Mom, I love you".

Music and the Spoken Word

2008-04-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

When you visit the Siufanuas on any given Sunday, you can be sure that we are engaging in appropriate Sunday activities.

www.randomchild.com (okay, that is not a real site.....yet)

2008-04-05T07:21:00.000-07:00

I found this on my computer the other day while cleaning up some of my files. Random Child had gotten on my computer and attempted to make his own website. I thought I'd point out a few things that may be unintelligible to the average reader. The first thing is an ad for Hannah Montana which includes her phone number; this is ironic because every time he hears her name he says, "ewww" or "gross" and he has actually formed an "I hate Hannah Montana" club with his friend (when I pressed him for the name of this friend just now he said, "I don't know but he has um, eyes and big hair"). I think he secretly likes her. Next up is a shout out for his stuffed dog Max (which is apparently a new name for Gully) and kick. man.more which may be a subliminal ad for the "Man". Lastly you can "coll" David's cell phone with any other questions. He really needs his own blog!

Rules of walking etiquette and danger

2008-04-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

I swear I need to make a blog just for Random Child's adventures. Here's one that came to mind from a couple of months ago. I was walking Random Child to school and he always waits and walks with me, whereas the other kids take off, leaving me in their wake of dust. On the way he makes a point of telling me that he waits for me because he loves me and it's the right thing to do. Now here's the gem of information that relays to me, "Mom, if a killer is chasing you, you do not have to wait for them". It's funny that he said that because most people would assume that running from a killer is a given and that rules of etiquette make an exception for waiting in that case.

A final funny for the day

2008-04-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

I had to add this final word today before I forgot. Here is a joke courtesy of the random child (Random Child).
Random Child: Mom, why did the chicken cross the road?
Mom: To get to the other side?
Random Child: No, he crosses the road to get to Mexico so he can get a burrito.

Sweet dreams everyone!

Superwaffles!

2008-04-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

This funny story comes word for word from Aunty Jeannette:

Yesterday you brought us our waffles upstairs. These were
devoured by my visiting family (Jeanette, Talosaga, Talia
& Grandma) Responsible Child, and Random Child.  That left a little Dimpled Child in
his Superman suit saying in his little voice "I didn't get
a waffle".  He wandered around the table repeating this to
anyone who would take pity on him.  And we looked upon him
sadly as waffle crumbs lined our mouths. About 10 minutes
later Random Child ran downstairs to grab more waffles. He
brought two up and gave one to Dimpled Child.  At last Koa could
feed his superhero hunger.  So grandma spritzed his
waffle with spray on butter only to find that it was
salad dressing spritzer.  Little Dimpled Child stood there in the
kitchen in his superman outfit with waffle spittle flying
out of his mouth. Poor guy.  I guess kryptonite isn't the
only thing he hates.  We had to leave in such a rush, we
didn't get to see the end of his saga.  I hope he got
some yummy waffle, he'd waited so long for it.

My brush with infamy, a.k.a. "That whole kidnapping thing"

2008-03-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

I had totally forgotten this incident until the other day and it was so funny I just had to post. About two months ago I was at Costco, I was rolling through the stop sign in front of the store and about to cut off a car turning left in front of me. No worries though, I was only going like 1 mile an hour, so I stopped, realized my mistake and let them turn. I look at the lady in the car and she shakes her head at me and scowls; I felt a creepy chill go through my body. As they passed I thought, "She looks familiar", so I look again both at her and the man sitting next to her and I realize where I've seen them. Yes that's right, it was the Redds. You can read about the whole "misunderstanding" here . I had unknowingly cut off the parents who kidnapped their daughter so she wouldn't marry the "devil". I thank my lucky stars that day that I was spared a spanking or worse being kidnapped!

Ode to the birthday girl.

2008-03-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

I made this a while back when I was toying with digital scrapbooking. Happy Birthday gorgeous girl! (sorry about the misspell-I no longer have the program that created it!)

Disturbingly funny-have the Depends ready

2008-03-29T15:28:00.000-07:00

I ran across this site the other day, Disturbing Ebay Auctions, I laughed so hard I nearly required Depends undergarments. Read it and weep.

Excellent use of free time

2008-03-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

I know, I know we never answer the phone. Well this is why....

Squeaky Child look alikes-Part II

2008-03-29T13:56:00.001-07:00

These are inspired by the hairdo, or shall we say "hair-don't".

Squeaky Child look alikes-Part I

2008-03-29T13:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here are some Squeaky Child look-alikes that I have come across so far.

Leprechauns among the Nephites

2008-03-29T12:12:00.001-07:00

So we're having FHE the other day and we're talking about Enos. We were talking about how Enos went into the forest and then asked the kids what they thought he was going to be doing. Immediately Random Child jumped out of his chair and said, "Well, he's not looking for leprechauns!". You know, he was right. (Can you find the leprechaun in this picture?).

"And should no arms fall upon us, Amen"!

2008-02-29T08:39:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is my first attempt at a blog. Prepared to be amazed....? Uh, never mind. I'm becoming a little ferkempt at the moment, trying to come up with something utterly brilliant, and well, that's just not going to happen. You see, I'm sitting at my computer surrounded by half empty cereal bowls, raisin bran scattered all over (Dimpled Child does not believe in milk w/cereal so the darn stuff never stays in the bowl) and by two pixies who are currently watching Dragon Tales. I am bound to be interrupted at any moment so I will relegate my blogs to insanely funny stuff my children do or say; which is both brilliant and funny......

So, at prayer the other day, Random Child was blessing everyone and everything (bless his heart, he is probably the only reason we're all still living) and at the end of his prayer he added this: "And should no arms fall upon us". I should probably correct him, but it's so darn cute. Here's Part II of Random Child's cuteness. I informed him yesterday that I will be redoing his room. I told him that I was going to put the t.v. on the top of armoire. He brought me a diagram this morning and explained to me that this plan that I came up with was just not going to work. You can see his diagram that I have scanned below; notice how he spells really-rillie-also too cute to correct. His new plan is to have the t.v. directly in front of his bed because the other plan was just too dangerous; hmm smells like ulterior motive to me. And one more thing, even though he is almost 7, he still says cookie like the cookie monster does , i.e. "cooooookie". I ask him to say it once in a while just so that I can smile. I can't get enough of his marshmallowey goodness.