half empty, half full

This post may be a bit long winded and serious, so if you get bored, just look at the pretty pictures here and down below. I try not to be serious too often, because this blog is not about being serious, it's about being silly and how I make up outrageous things about my children. But once in a while I will be serious, just to show you all that I'm not like, Bozo the clown all the time.

Last week I was feeling sorry for myself (I'm really good at that). I was sad because two weeks before that, the plumbing in my "make believe" kitchen was torn out in order to frame-in the new kitchen. So now, I have no running water or sink or real oven, yet I need to cook, clean and feed my family of 6. Just a few inches away from me, a huge, glorious kitchen of my dreams was being built and yet I couldn't even make a meal for my family. Even worse, after the windows go in, work will stop on the house, because the money is running out. The situation felt depressing and bittersweet, even cruel. To fully understand my situation, you need a brief history of my kitchen misfortunes.

One of my first kitchens featured a stove from the 1960's. It was a sad, tiny little thing. The stove was about the same age and lopsided-and scarrrry! There were tears in the linoleum and through the tears I could see the dirt underneath the house. The house was later condemned.

When we bought our current house we didn't know that the sink had a leak. And boy did it leak-and pour! The stove only had one working burner.

I've been married for 10 years and for only 2 of those years have I had a disposal or dishwasher.

Two years ago, I got a disposal and new kitchen plumbing! 6 months later I got a dishwasher!!!! I'm using !!! a lot of !!!! exclamation points in this paragraph because !!! it was very exciting!!!!!!! Seriously, having crappy stuff first makes you appreciate the good life. Then, I got a new stove with a ceramic top!!! Life was beautiful. 3 months later my kitchen was demolished because the wiring was faulty and the foundation was cracked.

I've been using my "make believe" kitchen for almost a year. It's been interesting. I have a "mini bake" oven that is about the size of a microwave and it has two little burners on top. It has been a true lifesaver, however I've learned that I can't use the burners and the oven at the same time. It also burns just about everything because the coils inside are always about an inch from the food. I also can't cook when I'm doing laundry (all on the same electrical circut). The experience has been very humbling.

Before I get to the point of the story (I know you probably wish there were more pictures), I need to add a few more things. I cook a lot. I teach cooking classes for heaven's sake! I have a bit of a reputation for being a good cook; especially when it comes to making desserts. The truth is, I'm not that great of a cook, I just know how to pick a great recipe. I pick a good recipe and make it over and over again and no one seems to notice. I even tell people this, but they don't seem to believe me. I've also made lots and lots of meals for compassionate service. Now, please don't misunderstand me when I'm telling you this. I don't say that to make my self look good, or compassionate or pious-whatever. I always make meals because I'm fast and efficient and fairly sure that my food doesn't gag anyone. And I love to cook for people. It makes me happy. Food=happiness. I also feel that the ability to cook is one of the very few talents I possess. I don't sing or play the piano well. I can't draw worth beans. I may sew, but I can't handle any other handi-crafts. So I cook all the time. That's my way of serving and I feel good about doing it as much as I can. I cook therefore I am. Get the gist?

Hopefully you understand me a little more. The day that I felt depressed, it was all just too much for me (Did I mention that the week before, my "make believe" kitchen flooded three times?). But, as with times of trouble, we often pray more, go to the temple more and behave just a little bit better. And you know what? The next day I felt much better. I felt optimistic and hopeful-even happy.

This past Saturday I woke up early. I woke up at 4:00 am, so it was quiet and everyone was still sleeping off their movie-night hangovers. The very first thought that came into my mind was that I was seeing it all wrong. I was so busy worrying about "Me" that I completely missed a miracle taking place. Did you know that only month ago, half of our old foundation was still stuck in the ground? And now, I have 2,000 sq ft of house in my back yard! Only a month before, I was sure that the foundation wouldn't be poured until next Spring. Yet this work was done by only two men in a very short amount of time. And the work is good. So good that we already have neighbors lined up to have them do their houses too. Even though I'm looking at the same kitchen as before, my vision has now been "corrected". How did I miss it before? Because I felt sorry for myself. What a waste. I saw that my kitchen wasn't done yet, but really I should have seen that my kitchen was in the process of being done. Why am I telling you this? So you don't also waste your time. Because we all do it. Feeling sorry for ourselves. Soooo boring. Soooo ungrateful. And soooo missing out on all the other wonderful things that are going on around us.

See? I'm not Bozo all the time.