Why does having a monkey on your back have to be a bad thing?

Squeaky is here modeling a fancy version of the dreaded child leash. In this modern era, it now comes in several styles, this one being the monkey. I wonder if the makers of this model thought this one through or if it was really a coincidence? Are they trying to stick it to the parents subliminally by using a monkey, instead of like an eagle? Or would that just be irony? Are they getting a great big kick out of the whole situation because all the parents that use the monkey version look like big, oppressive jerks? But I say, how can oppression possibly be wrong when it's covered up by a sweet, fuzzy brown minky? You be the judge. For now, I will continue to oppress while wearing a big smile on my face. (I just realized that she has a forlorn look in this picture, bad monkey, bad Mommy!)

The pitfalls of a low-budget vacation

Some people get to see this on their vacation:




Some people get to see this:



Or maybe even this:



But if you're on a low-budget and you're visiting podunk, you get to see this:



And this:




Yep, that's right, I got to see trees chock full of shoes and bras. Are you happy now? Sheesh!

Hi, my name is Dimples and I'm from Planet Crazy

Every time I talk to Dimples, I realize that he's living on a completely different planet, let's say, Crazy Planet. The way he interprets what we say is humorous and sometimes bizzare (hence, babies that turn into alligators and wear underwear-I still haven't gotten to the bottom of that one). It's like he has some crazy talk converter in his head that takes normal language and ideas and turns them into ideas and thoughts that absolutely no one-except for residents of Planet Crazy-could understand. Oh, and did I mention that there's a crazy Dimpled child language? Here are some examples of how Dimpled child interprets everyday occurences:

He refused cupcakes at BBQ because he thought the sprinkles were cheese (I wouldn't eat cupcakes with cheese either). I took A LOT of convincing before he believed otherwise. When he finally came around, all of the cupcakes were gone. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

He was adamant that he could see pigs on "Y" mountain. He told me they had sharp teeth and they were very mean. I inquired of him how they got up there in the first place and he told me that, "People frow (throw) dem (them) up dere (there). (Wow, if it were only that easy to throw livestock). I found out later from Manly Man that he told Dimples about wild boars in Samoa. How they got on "Y" mountain from Samoa I'll never know. I should ask him. He'll probably have a super answer. (So I did ask him today about the pigs and here's what I got, "The guy picked up the pigs in his car and took them to the mountain. It was fun. The pig bit the guy". "So how did the pigs come across the ocean from Samoa ?". "They jumped across". I could have argued with Dimples about the single jump from Samoa, but by now I figure it's pretty pointless. What gets me too is that he never ever hesitates with his answer. I swear he is hiding something from me).

Here are some fine examples of Dimpled Child language:

These are things he's said to Manly Man and I when he was mad at us: "You are a fart" and "You are nothing". OUCH! I can't decide which insult is worse.

When he wants his way he tries reverse psychology: Mom to Dimples, "I said no". Dimples to Mom, "You say yes!". Mom to Dimples, "You've been naughty, so the answer is no". Dimples to Mom, "Naughty means yes!".

This is how Dimples says hallelujah, "howareyouya". I added that for sugary goodness.

I had to post some of my favorite photos taken of Uncle Bud at my wedding before we take off to California for the funeral. For years people mentioned how much they liked my wedding; inevitably they would mention Uncle Bud. I'm now starting to realize that everyone really liked my wedding because of Uncle Bud and his fabulous entertaining skills. It's hard to sum up all the memories and feelings I had for him, but this comment from Uncle Freddy says it well: "I know Heavenly Father has a special purpose for Buddy, there are many children that need the love and caring nature of this delightful individual". Uncle Bud had the biggest heart of anyone I knew, I only only wish his physical heart was big enough and strong enough to let us have him here with us just a little bit more.

If you're having a bad day, I guarantee this will make you feel much better.

If you're not privy to the SeeIfIKnewya's house drama, here's a little introduction with much more to follow. The back of our house is falling off due to a sunken, cracked foundation (this is the addition not the main, which is fine for now-knock on plaster). There's actual good that has come from this situation, believe it or not. One good thing is that I am learning to cope with stressful situations much better and I'm getting pretty good at taking it one day at a time. I've learned that when a crisis situation arises that I can take a break, have some of my chocolate stash (cause you know that just about all moms have one) and I can revisit the crisis later without having the even slightest of meltdowns. The following conversation between me my neighbor who shares my plight, illustrates this point.

Neighbor (on the phone): Hi, Mom.
Mom: Hey Rachel, how are you?
Neighbor: Oh, not so great. I hate to bother you, because you have all your house troubles, but my basement that we just finished last week has been flooded by our explosive water heater.
Mom: Dang, I'm sorry! I'm not sure what kind of skills Manly Man possesses in that area, but I'll send him over when he gets home (Don't you love that I act as if I have some little handy man hidden away that I can use at will to respond to emergencies?).
Neighbor: I would so appreciate it, sorry to bother you again.
Mom: No worries, in fact I'm glad you called. I was starting to feel sorry for myself because my fridge, micro, washer and stove blew out today because we have very few outlets left. Hearing about your drama makes me feel a little bit better. Is that wrong to feel that way?
Neighbor: Actually when my basement flooded, I told myself that at least my house wasn't falling off like yours.

And that's when we both had a really good laugh. Hopefully, if you've had a bad day, this will help you put things in perspective, because we all have days like this, don't we?

No pockets? No problem.

I've just been informed that if you have no pockets that this is an excellent alternative (that's a wallet in Dimpled Child's waistband). This is also a great option if you frequently wear stretchy pants. I would not recommend this if you carry a firearm or explosives.