I've got a baby that wears a leash and child that now requires a helmet

I've heard a lot of this lately, "Lady, don't you know it's child abuse to put your child on a leash?" Or, "Do you also have a shock collar for that kid?". But I say this, "Whatever (like Nacho Libre)". I can't wait to hear the groans after Dimpled Child's latest adventure, because I think that he may be required to wear a helmet from now on. Before I get to Dimpled Child's latest adventure, you must first know his Head Wound History. Please view these pictures with extreme caution:

Exhibit #1 (Cut next to his eye, courtesy of the futon, made just before a well-needed date for David and I).









Exhibit #2 (Dimples vs. futon, round 2. He was running on the futon and almost fell and hit the arm, Manly Man caught him before the fall, only to have Dimples jump up, run and fall on the opposite arm. That was the cry heard 'round the world, well after a way long, silent cry)












Exhibit #3 (This is actually a shot from before, but it shows a red spot where he smacked his face two more times in the following months-leaving a permanent dimple in that area).












Exhibit #4 (Why yes, those are staples in my child's head)










Exhibit #5 (Last but not least, this is what happens when you don't check if you're child is buckled in. I stopped short in the parking lot and my lovely Dimpled child bonked his head on the windshield and cracked it. No cuts, no head trauma or memory loss, I attribute that to the fact that he was wearing his Superman outfit that day)