llamas and bosoms and sculptures, OH MY!

We took a little trip last week to the Hare Krishna temple during the SeeIfIKnewya's reunion. The kids were very excited to go because they were going to pet some llamas (since they'd just watched Jimmy Neutron the night before). We also had a nice tour of the temple and the YIC (yogi in charge) sang some songs and taught the kids some chants. I liked the singing (even though I heard many snickers) and thought that finding out a little more about their culture was very interesting. As we were leaving, Random Child turns to me and says, "Why are there pictures of boobs?". Say what? And lo and behold as I survey the room there are indeed lots and lots of bare bosoms and as a bonus a there was also a nice sculpture. Now that, I say, is very interesting. After, I felt very relieved that Random chose to question me alone about the pictures instead of shouting it out loud or asking the Yogi personally, because usually, Random is completely without guile in this type of situation. Although relieved, I do admit that I would've liked some explanation for the peep show.

food storage anyone?

I'm teaching a class this Thursday at 7:00 in the Macey's little theatre. If you want to attend, you can go in and sign up or I believe that you can call the service desk and have them add you to the list. The class is all about making fun foods with your food storage (like fudge and tootsie rolls) and also about different ways to add items like nuts, candy, raisins to your inventory by vacuum sealing them in jars. I'm also teaching how to bottle butter. Post if you have any questions. I have a food storage site on the left hand side with the links if you'd like more info.

you know you've been living in Utah too long when...

I think Random Child is having an identity crisis because he thinks that he's white. I keep telling him that he's brown and polynesian, but he's not convinced. Nice.

Back off my stuff Random Child!

My beloved Random child has struck again. He has a knack for being able destroy things with a single touch. Oh if it weren't for his puppy dog eyes and constant hugs, I'm sure I would have sold him in a yard sale by now. He has, somehow managed to render Manly Man's car completely useless. While playing in the car on Thursday, he burned out the motor that pushes the driver's seat back and forth so the seat got stuck in a permanent position only inches from the windshield. Manly Man, thankfully, was only a few blocks away and drove with his legs pushed sideways and his face nearly pressed against the windshield. Manly Man worked into the wee hours of the night to un-bolt the seat and was quite unhappy about the whole situation; especially since Random has been reminded many times to stay away from the gizmos and gadgets in the Green Goblin (the pet name for our Accord).

Then, this morning as we were on our way to a baptism, I noticed that the passenger's seat of our other car was pushed almost all the way up, with Random's legs stretched out on the other side. Oh child, when will you learn? Random Child was quite relieved when I figured out how to put it back into position and was able to escape my wrath.

The upside of the story is that Manly Man had to take the day off to fix the Goblin and then got spend the rest of the day making BBQ and splashing at the water park with the rest of the fam like he wanted to. It's funny how things work out. It's almost as if Random Child knows exactly what he's doing in an annoying, round-about way. (PS. Please vote for our falling down house!)

Cheese...and lots of it!

I just finished reading The Host, and I must say that I really, really liked it. It has, however, come to my attention that according to some, this type of genre is very cheesy and un-scholastic, which is probably not even a word. What can I say to that other than that I am a very cheesy! I like Little House on the Prairie, The Brady Bunch, nada coladas, getting caught in the rain, warm soft fuzzy animals (humans included) with big brown eyes and even though Precious Moments figurines kinda creep me out, I'm starting to like those too.

Furthermore, I am a geek. I like Star Trek (I have owned several costumes) and Star Wars, and in High School I learned how to read and speak Latin because I thought that was cool. And I don't know why I just outed myself like that.

That being said, I'm going to stop worrying so much about my book choices, because frankly, it keeps my mind from turning to mush and keeps me from conversatin' about alligator underwears with Dimples. And....I just got Twilight and I'll be reading it to my hearts content. See ya!

I pity the fool!

I found fabulous Mr. T at DI the other day. I'm not sure why any reasonable person would need one, but it was only $1 and he his recorder still works-so I figured that I must be it's new owner. I think I'll save him for a really great white elephant gift. Oh and I checked him out on eBay and he's selling for about $100 bucks. Yikes!

seriously-what normal person could sleep like this?

mmmmmmmmm

I walked into my pseudo kitchen the other day to find Dimples playing with his food; or so I thought. Turns out that macaroni and cheese is indeed a delicacy when mixed with a heaping spoonful of creamy peanut butter. He was actually eating it-and-enjoying it. He quickly regained his senses though and told me that he was going to send the rest to Hannah Montana.

Sunday funnies

Sunday hairdo tutorial:

1. You must use a fistful of hair putty .
2. You must only smear it down the middle and absolutely no where else.
3. You must not let your mother correct it, you must leave it to harden until it becomes like a built in helmet. (p.s. you need to click on the 2nd photo to see what I'm talking about)Here's the answer to a question that many have inquired of over the years (the answer came in Primary from Mr. D, age 9, a boy wise beyond his years):

Primary president: "What do missionaries do with all their time?".
Mr. D: "Play basketball" (Ha! And you thought proselyte was the correct answer).

I've got a baby that wears a leash and child that now requires a helmet

I've heard a lot of this lately, "Lady, don't you know it's child abuse to put your child on a leash?" Or, "Do you also have a shock collar for that kid?". But I say this, "Whatever (like Nacho Libre)". I can't wait to hear the groans after Dimpled Child's latest adventure, because I think that he may be required to wear a helmet from now on. Before I get to Dimpled Child's latest adventure, you must first know his Head Wound History. Please view these pictures with extreme caution:

Exhibit #1 (Cut next to his eye, courtesy of the futon, made just before a well-needed date for David and I).









Exhibit #2 (Dimples vs. futon, round 2. He was running on the futon and almost fell and hit the arm, Manly Man caught him before the fall, only to have Dimples jump up, run and fall on the opposite arm. That was the cry heard 'round the world, well after a way long, silent cry)












Exhibit #3 (This is actually a shot from before, but it shows a red spot where he smacked his face two more times in the following months-leaving a permanent dimple in that area).












Exhibit #4 (Why yes, those are staples in my child's head)










Exhibit #5 (Last but not least, this is what happens when you don't check if you're child is buckled in. I stopped short in the parking lot and my lovely Dimpled child bonked his head on the windshield and cracked it. No cuts, no head trauma or memory loss, I attribute that to the fact that he was wearing his Superman outfit that day)

Why does having a monkey on your back have to be a bad thing?

Squeaky is here modeling a fancy version of the dreaded child leash. In this modern era, it now comes in several styles, this one being the monkey. I wonder if the makers of this model thought this one through or if it was really a coincidence? Are they trying to stick it to the parents subliminally by using a monkey, instead of like an eagle? Or would that just be irony? Are they getting a great big kick out of the whole situation because all the parents that use the monkey version look like big, oppressive jerks? But I say, how can oppression possibly be wrong when it's covered up by a sweet, fuzzy brown minky? You be the judge. For now, I will continue to oppress while wearing a big smile on my face. (I just realized that she has a forlorn look in this picture, bad monkey, bad Mommy!)

The pitfalls of a low-budget vacation

Some people get to see this on their vacation:




Some people get to see this:



Or maybe even this:



But if you're on a low-budget and you're visiting podunk, you get to see this:



And this:




Yep, that's right, I got to see trees chock full of shoes and bras. Are you happy now? Sheesh!

Hi, my name is Dimples and I'm from Planet Crazy

Every time I talk to Dimples, I realize that he's living on a completely different planet, let's say, Crazy Planet. The way he interprets what we say is humorous and sometimes bizzare (hence, babies that turn into alligators and wear underwear-I still haven't gotten to the bottom of that one). It's like he has some crazy talk converter in his head that takes normal language and ideas and turns them into ideas and thoughts that absolutely no one-except for residents of Planet Crazy-could understand. Oh, and did I mention that there's a crazy Dimpled child language? Here are some examples of how Dimpled child interprets everyday occurences:

He refused cupcakes at BBQ because he thought the sprinkles were cheese (I wouldn't eat cupcakes with cheese either). I took A LOT of convincing before he believed otherwise. When he finally came around, all of the cupcakes were gone. Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

He was adamant that he could see pigs on "Y" mountain. He told me they had sharp teeth and they were very mean. I inquired of him how they got up there in the first place and he told me that, "People frow (throw) dem (them) up dere (there). (Wow, if it were only that easy to throw livestock). I found out later from Manly Man that he told Dimples about wild boars in Samoa. How they got on "Y" mountain from Samoa I'll never know. I should ask him. He'll probably have a super answer. (So I did ask him today about the pigs and here's what I got, "The guy picked up the pigs in his car and took them to the mountain. It was fun. The pig bit the guy". "So how did the pigs come across the ocean from Samoa ?". "They jumped across". I could have argued with Dimples about the single jump from Samoa, but by now I figure it's pretty pointless. What gets me too is that he never ever hesitates with his answer. I swear he is hiding something from me).

Here are some fine examples of Dimpled Child language:

These are things he's said to Manly Man and I when he was mad at us: "You are a fart" and "You are nothing". OUCH! I can't decide which insult is worse.

When he wants his way he tries reverse psychology: Mom to Dimples, "I said no". Dimples to Mom, "You say yes!". Mom to Dimples, "You've been naughty, so the answer is no". Dimples to Mom, "Naughty means yes!".

This is how Dimples says hallelujah, "howareyouya". I added that for sugary goodness.

I had to post some of my favorite photos taken of Uncle Bud at my wedding before we take off to California for the funeral. For years people mentioned how much they liked my wedding; inevitably they would mention Uncle Bud. I'm now starting to realize that everyone really liked my wedding because of Uncle Bud and his fabulous entertaining skills. It's hard to sum up all the memories and feelings I had for him, but this comment from Uncle Freddy says it well: "I know Heavenly Father has a special purpose for Buddy, there are many children that need the love and caring nature of this delightful individual". Uncle Bud had the biggest heart of anyone I knew, I only only wish his physical heart was big enough and strong enough to let us have him here with us just a little bit more.

If you're having a bad day, I guarantee this will make you feel much better.

If you're not privy to the SeeIfIKnewya's house drama, here's a little introduction with much more to follow. The back of our house is falling off due to a sunken, cracked foundation (this is the addition not the main, which is fine for now-knock on plaster). There's actual good that has come from this situation, believe it or not. One good thing is that I am learning to cope with stressful situations much better and I'm getting pretty good at taking it one day at a time. I've learned that when a crisis situation arises that I can take a break, have some of my chocolate stash (cause you know that just about all moms have one) and I can revisit the crisis later without having the even slightest of meltdowns. The following conversation between me my neighbor who shares my plight, illustrates this point.

Neighbor (on the phone): Hi, Mom.
Mom: Hey Rachel, how are you?
Neighbor: Oh, not so great. I hate to bother you, because you have all your house troubles, but my basement that we just finished last week has been flooded by our explosive water heater.
Mom: Dang, I'm sorry! I'm not sure what kind of skills Manly Man possesses in that area, but I'll send him over when he gets home (Don't you love that I act as if I have some little handy man hidden away that I can use at will to respond to emergencies?).
Neighbor: I would so appreciate it, sorry to bother you again.
Mom: No worries, in fact I'm glad you called. I was starting to feel sorry for myself because my fridge, micro, washer and stove blew out today because we have very few outlets left. Hearing about your drama makes me feel a little bit better. Is that wrong to feel that way?
Neighbor: Actually when my basement flooded, I told myself that at least my house wasn't falling off like yours.

And that's when we both had a really good laugh. Hopefully, if you've had a bad day, this will help you put things in perspective, because we all have days like this, don't we?