Alligator Panties

"Mom, when Squeaky grows up to be an alligator, she's going to wear underwear" says Dimpled Child. "Dimpled Child, alligators don't wear underwear" (Notice how I'm completely unfazed by the illogical thinking and don't even think about correcting the notion that one day my baby will evolve into a reptile). "Yes they do" he says, laughing hysterically, "They wear BIG underwear!". Later, I follow up on this conversation (when your days revolve around laundry and legos you start to find this sort of fodder intriguing). "Dimpled Child, alligators really don't wear underwear" (Can you believe that I'm even trying to reason with this kid?). "Yes they do! They wear Barbie underwear". "Barbie underwear? Are you kidding? Alligators are big and Barbie underwear is small, that makes no sense" (Who's not making any sense now, Mama?). "No, they wear BIG Barbie underwear!". "Oh", I said, "Now that makes sense".

I'm starting to think there's a secret society comprised of seemingly innocent, cherub faced 3 & 4 year olds. They seek to gain favor with their parents by distracting them with very cute but illogical thinking, and as I'm writing this I'm starting to recognize a pattern of misbehavior followed by funny comments from Dimpled Child. Dang, I really need to get some grown up friends.

Expounding on The Plan of Salvation...Courtesy of Dimpled Child

The SeeIfIKnewya's took a little trip up to Grandpa's grave on Sunday. We were there along with Grandma SeeIfIKnewya, Daniel and Lever. Grandma was talking about some funny random things and after that proceeded to get down to the good stuff. She was talking about how even though Grandpa's grave was here, his spirit was not, and that eventually the spirit and body would rejoin in the Resurrection. Whilst Grandma is explaining, Dimpled child is pleading to put his two cents in and at the time I'm thinking, "We're at the grave, we're having a lovely spiritual discussion and my child is about to say something utterly brilliant". However, out of the mouth of a babe comes this, "Grandma, Grandma, there was something willy (really) gwoss(gross) in the sandbox. It was a tomato. Ewwwwwwww!".

The names have been changed to protect the innocent....

So we have this sweet social worker neighbor (who is very cute and single and if you are a manly-temple worthy-single guy give us a call and we'll set you up) who mentioned that we might want to remove the kids names from the website to protect them from all the creepies out there. And we do have creepies; my neighbor a block down had several break ins from a guy who was "looking for little girls and porn" and a different neighbor found a guy in their baby's room one night looking for the same thing. Okay this was the same guy and he was caught, but I'm feeling cautious nonetheless. So here are the new names:

Oldest child will hereafter be called-Responsible child
2nd child will hereafter be called-Random child
3rd child will hereafter be called-Dimpled child
4th child will hereafter be called-Squeaky child.

Take that all you creepies!

The Westlake Ward

Lara Stubben Burton just set up a website for the WESTLAKE WARD. It's been so fun catching up with everyone this past week. There are tons of old and new photos, discussion boards-even a discussion about a possible reunion next year. I've also been learning a lot about my Scholer cousins that I didn't know about before. Krista Thornton Schmitz claims that when she babysat Makeli that he used to chase after her with a butcher knife and that Kiana always had a bucket on her head. Who knew?

The ongoing saga of Random Child's Love/Hate relationship with Hannah Montana

I thought I'd share this little gem that I picked up in the back yard whilst cleaning up after Manly Man's work crew. It is two cups taped together and inside is an old, half-eaten hot dog bun; it is addressed to you know who. Now if you want to totally insult someone, this is the way to do it. I can't think of a better way to say, "I hate you", to someone than by sending them a rotting piece of food encased by two dirty plastic cups. Wouldn't it be fabulous if I found a way to get backstage passes for Random Child and I when Hannah Montana comes for the Stadium of Fire? That would just make my year!

Love notes

I walked into the bathroom today to find this replacing my slightly stale towel. It reads, "I am thankful for my hands-Dimpled Child". Which reminds me, yesterday in church this gal said that all those little serendipitous occurrences in life (like receiving the money you needed for a washer via an unexpected check in the mail, meeting an acquaintance out of the blue that had a job lead, etc.) are little love notes from God. Imagine my surprise yesterday when I walked into my bathroom and found a love note of my very own. I'm thankful for his hands too.

Bizzaro Garden of Eden

This is what I imagine things would look like in the Bizzaro Garden of Eden. You may ask, why is that child wearing a fleece costume in 100 degree heat? Or why is your child naked and eating rotting fruit off the ground? You may even be asking, just what kind of mother are you? Well, the answer is... Okay, there is just no good explanation. (For those of you have already seen this and wondered about the edit: Manly Man (my husband) has declared that, "There shall be no nudies on thy webpage". And so I have tastefully added a fig leaf to the child who spent most of his early years without clothing.)

Things to ponder........

1. Why is it that if I put my foot up on the table, it's skanky? But if Squeaky Child puts her foot up on the table, it's finger (or toe) lickin' good?

2. What if a person is overly plump, lays around all day eating, sleeping and soiling their pants-If that person is an adult they are called a lazy pig, but if you are a baby it is out- of- this- world-fabulous?

3. Lastly, if you are slowly losing your marbles and you are poor they call you "crazy", but if you have money they call you "eccentric"?

And that's all I have to say about that.

Photos for the day

Some random pictures, of my favorite men.

Happy Mother's Day!

Here's Random Child's gift to me for Mother's Day; it's very insightful. I like oatmeal (yes, I'm a regular kind of gal), I am terrific, I like five sided objects, I eat (he knows me well) and I read (and write!). I love it when the kids make me notes or drawings in their little scrawl. They are the best gifts, really! When I was a teenager I thought it would be really lousy to get a gift like that. But something changes once you have kids and you appreciate the little crumpled Rembrandts they are constantly creating for you. What gets me too is how your Mom is excited when you make something for her and tells you it looks really nice-even though it's sort of ugly. I think my Momma still does that for me and it's very sweet. Love you Mom. Happy Mother's Day!

American Tribal Style Belly Dancing

I saw an ad for this class at the local arts center the other day; I'm not going to take it though, I'm already way too busy with my Asian Tahitian Yoga class.

American Tribal Style Belly Dancing (Was that the Sioux or Apache tribe?)
Dates: July 8-July 29 (Tuesdays)
Time: 6-7 p.m.
$40 for 4 weeks

This beginning level class will focus on learning to isolate body parts from one and other (Oh, you mean like rubbing your stomach and patting your head at the same time? I already know how to do that-I'll keep my $40 bucks thank you), drilling technical movements (If that drill involves jiggling my belly fat over and over again-forget it!), as well learning and mastering the American Tribal Style vocabulary for improvisational dance (Okay I'm still stuck on the fact that I don't remember hearing of any Belly Dancing Indians in history class) while creating a sense of self and sisterhood (Hmm, if you don't already have a "sense of self" you shouldn't take this class, it could be very confusing).

Picasso I am not

Like I said, I'm no Picasso. But this idea rocks! We made some more kid plates from Makit. (These are the favorite plates to eat on by the way and they make sweet gifts as well). One idea was to make a family tree plate. I made one with all our info and then added a scripture on the bottom, "Adam fell that men might be; and men are that they might have joy. Lovin' it.

This is what happens when you are incoherent on the couch with a nasty bout of food poisoning

So yesterday I was laid up on the couch with a debilitating case of food poisoning. Now I don't want to mention any names but the place I ate at starts with an Mc and ends with Donalds. You would think that I would have learned my lesson by now but apparently I have a fancy for a stomach cramps and diarreah. I spent most of my day rolling around on the couch, going to the restroom and then rolling on the couch. As I was turning on my side yet again, I caught Random Child running into the living room and setting the digital camera on the piano. Now at this point I've got a fever of 102, my insides are burning and I can't breathe because of allergy issues and the "Don't ask, don't tell policy" goes into affect. This means that unless the house is on fire or someone is bleeding I am not going to ask any questions. I picked up my camera today and found out how Random Child was keeping himself busy during all those blessed hours. It reminds me of an American Express commercial. Pepto Bismo-$5, Ear thermometer-$40, Knowing how your kid spent his time when you were passed out on the couch-Priceless!

Fun with fonts! (Well, my idea of fun anyways)

So have you ever wondered where to get all those cool fonts (Cause you know I'm definitely not hanging around wondering about fallen trees in a forest)? Well, there are tons of places out there on the web where you can get them for free. My two favorite sites are fontgarden and dafont. All you need to do is download the ones you like, unzip and then move them to where your font files are on your hard drive-and Voila you are now Superfancy! Some sites even have funny quotes which are good for a laugh or when your mind is sticky and you just don't have anything decent to say on your blog that day. Here are some of mon favorites, they remind me those Jack Handy quotes from SNL:

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for life."

“Everyone loves a moose, some just don't know it”.

“Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot and a great big bag of money”

“I try to take one day at a time but sometimes, several days attack me at once”.

“Sticks and stones.may break my bones but words will make me go into a corner and cry by myself for hours”.

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

Enjoy!