Nothing says I love you like a finger up the nose.

It's all about classiness and manners around here.

I could threaten them with duct tape so I could have at least two decent- non-picking-their-nose-or-goofy pictures. But why? Because in the end, the little buggers make me smile.


Oh, and thanks guys for teaching the little princess how to be extremely un-princess like.

I'm having a WALL-E day.

Moms, have you ever felt like WALL-E? Don't know what the heck I'm talking about? In the movie, WALL-E gets left behind on Earth to clean up the trash that humans make. He's all alone, acts a little crazy, etc. So, sometimes when I wake up in the morning I see this:

And then the hubby leaves for work and the kids leave for school and I'm all alone (well except for the other two humans; one who willingly eats trash and the other who likes to make more). And I clean up after the humans leave. And I'm a little crazy.

p.s. I'm doing a giveaway on Yardsalemonkey. Here's the LINK. wink!

I'm at a complete loss of words. (Disclaimer: No food was harmed in the taking of this photograph).

sleep in heavenly peace.....

What ever happened to passing out whenever or wherever you wanted to? So underrated.

Yardsalemonkey....

I know, like the world probably doesn't need another blog, but I made another one. I'm a bit of a cheapskate and love a good deal so I set up a blog, YARDSALEMONKEY, and I list information about coupons, good deals, giveaways, etc. Peruse if you dare, HERE.

See any resemblance?

In this picture that I took, Squeaky was pretty angry at me because I was taking her picture instead of getting her head un-stuck from the arm hole of Manly's shirt. It's okay though, I explained to her later that it's all about the blog-and blackmail.

Breakfast of champions

I asked Dimples to help me set the table for breakfast the other day and this is what I found:

What the heck? He totally forgot the candy corn and soda! He's fired.

half empty, half full

This post may be a bit long winded and serious, so if you get bored, just look at the pretty pictures here and down below. I try not to be serious too often, because this blog is not about being serious, it's about being silly and how I make up outrageous things about my children. But once in a while I will be serious, just to show you all that I'm not like, Bozo the clown all the time.

Last week I was feeling sorry for myself (I'm really good at that). I was sad because two weeks before that, the plumbing in my "make believe" kitchen was torn out in order to frame-in the new kitchen. So now, I have no running water or sink or real oven, yet I need to cook, clean and feed my family of 6. Just a few inches away from me, a huge, glorious kitchen of my dreams was being built and yet I couldn't even make a meal for my family. Even worse, after the windows go in, work will stop on the house, because the money is running out. The situation felt depressing and bittersweet, even cruel. To fully understand my situation, you need a brief history of my kitchen misfortunes.

One of my first kitchens featured a stove from the 1960's. It was a sad, tiny little thing. The stove was about the same age and lopsided-and scarrrry! There were tears in the linoleum and through the tears I could see the dirt underneath the house. The house was later condemned.

When we bought our current house we didn't know that the sink had a leak. And boy did it leak-and pour! The stove only had one working burner.

I've been married for 10 years and for only 2 of those years have I had a disposal or dishwasher.

Two years ago, I got a disposal and new kitchen plumbing! 6 months later I got a dishwasher!!!! I'm using !!! a lot of !!!! exclamation points in this paragraph because !!! it was very exciting!!!!!!! Seriously, having crappy stuff first makes you appreciate the good life. Then, I got a new stove with a ceramic top!!! Life was beautiful. 3 months later my kitchen was demolished because the wiring was faulty and the foundation was cracked.

I've been using my "make believe" kitchen for almost a year. It's been interesting. I have a "mini bake" oven that is about the size of a microwave and it has two little burners on top. It has been a true lifesaver, however I've learned that I can't use the burners and the oven at the same time. It also burns just about everything because the coils inside are always about an inch from the food. I also can't cook when I'm doing laundry (all on the same electrical circut). The experience has been very humbling.

Before I get to the point of the story (I know you probably wish there were more pictures), I need to add a few more things. I cook a lot. I teach cooking classes for heaven's sake! I have a bit of a reputation for being a good cook; especially when it comes to making desserts. The truth is, I'm not that great of a cook, I just know how to pick a great recipe. I pick a good recipe and make it over and over again and no one seems to notice. I even tell people this, but they don't seem to believe me. I've also made lots and lots of meals for compassionate service. Now, please don't misunderstand me when I'm telling you this. I don't say that to make my self look good, or compassionate or pious-whatever. I always make meals because I'm fast and efficient and fairly sure that my food doesn't gag anyone. And I love to cook for people. It makes me happy. Food=happiness. I also feel that the ability to cook is one of the very few talents I possess. I don't sing or play the piano well. I can't draw worth beans. I may sew, but I can't handle any other handi-crafts. So I cook all the time. That's my way of serving and I feel good about doing it as much as I can. I cook therefore I am. Get the gist?

Hopefully you understand me a little more. The day that I felt depressed, it was all just too much for me (Did I mention that the week before, my "make believe" kitchen flooded three times?). But, as with times of trouble, we often pray more, go to the temple more and behave just a little bit better. And you know what? The next day I felt much better. I felt optimistic and hopeful-even happy.

This past Saturday I woke up early. I woke up at 4:00 am, so it was quiet and everyone was still sleeping off their movie-night hangovers. The very first thought that came into my mind was that I was seeing it all wrong. I was so busy worrying about "Me" that I completely missed a miracle taking place. Did you know that only month ago, half of our old foundation was still stuck in the ground? And now, I have 2,000 sq ft of house in my back yard! Only a month before, I was sure that the foundation wouldn't be poured until next Spring. Yet this work was done by only two men in a very short amount of time. And the work is good. So good that we already have neighbors lined up to have them do their houses too. Even though I'm looking at the same kitchen as before, my vision has now been "corrected". How did I miss it before? Because I felt sorry for myself. What a waste. I saw that my kitchen wasn't done yet, but really I should have seen that my kitchen was in the process of being done. Why am I telling you this? So you don't also waste your time. Because we all do it. Feeling sorry for ourselves. Soooo boring. Soooo ungrateful. And soooo missing out on all the other wonderful things that are going on around us.

See? I'm not Bozo all the time.

Isn't she lovely?

Take a look at our McMansion:


Roof will be done today, windows next week, what more can a woman ask for? (okay, I might ask for a wee bit of chocolate, but that's it, I swear!)

muted baby

I, Mrs. SeeifIknewya, solemnly swear that I did not tape that baby's mouth with duct tape. I merely gave it to her. What she chose to do with "said" tape was up to her. I can't be held responsible for Squeaky's actions; although I did enjoy several minutes of solace while she was muted.

99 balloons

Get your tissues.

We are Chinese if you please (like Lady and the Tramp, minus the Tramp)

I am beautiful and cranky, take it or leave it.

goings on in a nutshell....

1. I love that even though I'm just a Mom, I can still tell Darth Vader to stop playing with his food...And he will obey because around here...I use the Force (and coercion).

2. A new school is cool.

This is part of the library with a story telling area.


A HUGE gym for fun on rainy days.

This is one of the itty-bitty pottys for Kindergarteners.

And here's a picture of the entrance to the school. Notice the fancy "Timpanogos" Art Deco lettering? The letters were saved from the original school. Nice touch.

3. Lastly, finding a hidden safe underneath your stairs during demolition is pretty exciting, until you discover that there's only garbage left inside of it. Oh bother!

get thee hence clutter!!!

So I'm here trying to make a little more space in my two room cottage and realizing that I need to get rid of some stuff. I'm going to post some things and if you want them, all you have to do is leave a comment for it. The first thing up today is Fabulous Mr. T:


Okay, so he's lacking some clothing, dignity and perhaps common sense. But, his voice recorder still works and he says funny stuff like, "I pity the fool that don't go to school (ironic yes?)". Makes a wonderful white elephant gift. It may take me a while to get him to you as he seems to have gone AWOL (he's really popular around here), but he's worth the wait, I assure you.

Drama Mama goes to the library

Drama, drama. It follows me, I follow it. Here's a fine example.

It's a leisurely day at the library, only I can't seem to make my library card work when I'm logging Dimples onto the computers. Here's what went down that fine day:

Drama Mama: "Library Lady, why doesn't my stinkin' card work? (really, I just asked her what was wrong-really!)".
Library Lady: "Oh" she says politely, "You have a fine of $28 for a damaged book".
Drama Mama: "WHAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!" I say like a volcano erupting. Okay, so not really erupting, but in my head I could clearly imagine my head popping off at any moment. This eruption is followed by a lot of gasps, "no ways!" and then finally, "I need to see that book"....
Library Lady: "You can get more information at the circulation desk".
Drama Mama(now at the Circ. desk) : "Library Lady, it says in the computer that I have a large fine, I didn't do it, I didn't do it, and I need to see that book now!!!!" Okay, the "didn't do it" part is still in my head at this point but it really, really wants to come out of my mouth, cause I did not, for sure, damage any book!
Library Lady #2 : "Let me go see if I can find it". Library Lady #2 returns with said book and it is indeed damaged. She hands it over to me.
Drama Mama: I look at the book in horror. "No, I did not do this!", "How could this happen? It sat on my shelf, I never even read this!" "How do you know it's my fault?" "Do your guys even check them before they're put back on the shelf?".
Library Lady #2: "Yes, they're pretty thorough, this book looks like it sat in water for a while".
Drama Mama (in my head): Did she just accuse ME of letting a book sit in water like some kind of crazy fool who lets books sit in water??!!! Wahhh! I'm going to get her!!!! "We'll, I refuse to pay for something I did not do!". "I will not pay for it, I will not be checking out books today, and I'm never coming to the library again!!!!!". (Alright, I just said I'm not paying for it and left).
Dimples: "Mom, what about my Thomas books?"
Drama Mama: "Baby, the library said I ruined a book and they said I need to pay for it before I check out any more books. But I didn't do it, and we can't check out books today. I'm so sorry".
Drama Mama: (then to make more drama in the library hall, I call Manly on the cell) : "Manly Man, blah, blah, she accused me of damaging the book, blah, blah, I'm never going to the library again, NEVER!!!!!"
Dimples: "Library books?"
Drama Mama: "Sorry Baby, really sorry".
Drama Mama: (In the car now, driving). "I can't believe that they said I left a book in the water and ruined it, blah, blah, blah". Just then, my life flashed in slow motion before my eyes, "OH---- MY---- GOSH"....... and it hits me like a soccer ball, a HUGE soccer ball to my dramatized head.
Drama Mama: Like a vision of sugar plum fairies in my head, (but they would be really, ugly rotten fairies) I remembered a sultry, summer day. When was that again?. Oh yes, several weeks ago. I had taken the boys to soccer practice. I packed uniforms, treats, toys for squeaky, water, lots of water and........the book. Blasted, cursed library book! Then I remember water, lots of water leaking all over. And me saying, "Ugh, gross!" and tossing the vile, water-logged library book on the shelf where it sat all wet and lonely. Oh, why me!? I killed the book! I'm a vile, killer of books! Woe is me! I did it! I did it! And on top of that I made my baby cry. Please Mother Earth, open up and swallow me and my all of my drama!

And so, a few days later, Drama Mama tip toes back to the Library, pays the fine and checks out as many Thomas the Tank engine books she can find. THE END.

for the love of ice cream

Observations

When you are a baby, there is quite a large margin of error when you are eating. She's created about a 2 inch ice cream radius around her mouth (you can't tell from the picture, but she's got ice cream eyelashes too).

This is not, by the way, how we clean the table around here.



But, this is how we clean our clothes.


Lastly this is how we give hugs...if you're lucky.

I love you Mr. maker of duct tape.

Dear Squeaky,

For weeks you have tormented me, going around diaperless and unashamed, leaving a trail of Pampers in your wake. But now, you have met your match Sister. (insert evil laugh here)

love and marriage

So the other day as I'm giving Random his happy vitamins, I remark to Manly Man that I should give him the full amount, it being my birthday and all. Manly Man jokingly says to me, "Maybe you should try some"...............After he realizes that he should be putting both of his rather large feet in his mouth, I laugh and tell him that he is a very lucky man because, fortunately I have inherited the humor gene, and if not for my good sense of humor I would have easily whacked off his handsome head with my large talons. My thought for the day: Humor in a marriage...It's a good thing.

If I knew you were coming, I would have baked you a cake....

You know I was just thinkin' the other day, what would be like a really good way to give someone bad news or send them a message? I could use snail mail, phone or even email. If I were technologically advanced, I could send them a text or voice mail, but no, that's too impersonal. But wait, I think I've got it.. How about a cake? Yes, a cake would do, definitely a personal touch there.

This one here I would send to my very first college roommate who "borrowed" my socks and underwear without permission (like I would give permission anyways-socks, okay, undies-noooooo!):

This cake I would give to Random Child, after he told his be-ribboned, Kindergarten crush that he loved her and she laughed.



This one, well, I haven't really had an occasion to send one to anyone that I know, but if I do, you can be sure they're gonna get one of these:

These actually came from a very funny site, click HERE to go Cakewrecks. Ps. I don't want to start seeing cakes left on my doorstep if I've offended you.

monkey see, monkey do

I was completely crushed last night at the park when I realized that the little Squeaky girl I'm raising may not turn out to be a "girly girl" after all. After our family potluck, we sat on the grass to let our bloated-fasting-potluck tummies rest and I let Squeaky run wild like the monkey that she is. She was intently watching this doggie run around, play and do other little doggie things, like, doing his doggie business on the tree. Not a minute goes by and I notice that Squeaky is now by that same tree, with her diaper hanging off one leg and ready to mark her territory as well. Did I mention yet that I've already tried "human" potty training without success? And do you think that this may have anything to do with the afore mentioned baby leash? Anyone know of a good therapist?

excuse me for the blogging break + a recap of recent seeifiknewya events

So, I've been MIA on the blog and decided to post a recap of the past couple of weeks. Here goes:

1. It's back to school and soccer time. Lots of going here and there. Lots of learning new things and discoveries. Speaking of discovering, Squeaky has discovered that poop does not, in fact, taste good.

2. We took the little monsters to Kung Fu Panda last night and we were exposed to awesomeness -and- attractiveness, but it wasn't free like Po said; it cost a paltry $10.




3. Watched some of the Olympics and discovered quite a disparity among the athletes. While the Olympic Ping Pong team has quite a bit of hussle going down, I'm sorry to say that their skills are not as SUPER FABULOUS as the skills of the Gymnasts. They need to have like, SUPER GOLD medals for athletes with all the extras.

4. Also, speaking of the Olympic commentators, they need to remember who their main audience is and stop bagging on the athletes when they mess up. Seriously, we watched this Romanian gymnast doing a routine on a balance beam, and although she did "biff it" pretty bad, to her credit she had the wits about her to get up and finish the rest of it and it was fantastic. I think the commentators need to realize that most of us couldn't walk across the beam without falling off and getting a concussion, let alone flip backwards several times, and they need to ease up a little bit.

5. No more speedos. Yuck.

6. Had lots and lots of belly laughs when the scoring was all messed up with the gymnasts and Bela Karoyli exclaimed over and over again, "Isa ripoff! Isa ripoff!".

7. I secretly want to be Sarah Palin when I grow up.

8. It is not funny when you discover that you've worn your shirt inside-out, in public, all day long.

9. Finished the Twilight series during soccer games/practices/etc., etc. and liked the vampire storyline (you know I'm a StarWars, StarTrek, LOTR geek & am obsessed with superpowers), but could do without all the mushy stuff.





10. Lastly, the voting for our crazy house ends this SUNDAY, and if you still want to vote or want to bug anyone else to vote, we would greatly appreciate it! Cross your fingers everyone!

back to school blues

I started out this week thinking that I would be so happy to send the crazies off to school. Turns out that I miss the little buggers and I'm the one singing the blues. Here's a school memory from the past to start off the week.

Responsible Child has been followed since Kindergarten by two of the most adorable, squeaky little twin girls; Charice and Chantilly. When I'd go through Responsible Child's backpack everyday, I would find it secretly stuffed with love notes and pictures from Charice. The pictures had hearts and stick figures drawn holding hands. For Responsible's birthday he even got a handpainted mural from the girls. I think Responsible didn't really understand it all, and I don't really think he cared. We'll, I think he cared a little. As part of my past PTA duties I hosted an ice cream party for his class and as usual Random and Dimples came along. The kids were dancing to salsa music, eating and having fun. Random was turning on the charm and I found him holding hands and dancing in circles with Charice. And then he was dancing with Chantilly. And I noticed, that for the first time, Responsible noticed too. He looked kind of stunned. I hope it's not the same way when they're older...

Free the leash kids

I have an account on Facebook and I came across a many groups advocating "Freeing Kids From Child Leashes". They're all about letting the kids run willy nilly and any where they desire. While I'm all for that, the leashes, believe it or not do serve a very useful purpose. I think I'd be willing to take Squeaky off the leash, if, they would be willing to come to my house and run after her as she bolts to the busy 45 mph street, in 95 degree weather all day long. I added one of their buttons to my Flair board as a joke, cause I just don't care. I think I'm going to create a group too, I'm going to call it, "I Only Put A Leash On My Child When We're Near The Street, Or Around Lots Of People So She Won't Be Kidnapped/Molested Or Flattened By A Car, Or When You're At The Library So She Won't Jump In An Elevator And Take Off Without You, Or When You're So Pregnant That You Can Barely Walk And Your Kids Seem To Know It And Take Advantage Of That Fact, So There You People With Groups Against Leashes Who Have No Kids And Don't Know What You're Talking About". Do you think that title is too long?

sooooo sad... wah for me... pity party.

I saw this on another person's blog and thought it was funny:

Oh, this was a good post! Lots of comments! People like me!

Oops, what happened? Nobody commented today. What did I do wrong?

Oh, goody! Some more comments on this one!

Look. Some new people commenting! I wonder who they are? I'll go check out their blog, too!

Oh, no. Where did everybody go? Nobody likes me. This stinks.

llamas and bosoms and sculptures, OH MY!

We took a little trip last week to the Hare Krishna temple during the SeeIfIKnewya's reunion. The kids were very excited to go because they were going to pet some llamas (since they'd just watched Jimmy Neutron the night before). We also had a nice tour of the temple and the YIC (yogi in charge) sang some songs and taught the kids some chants. I liked the singing (even though I heard many snickers) and thought that finding out a little more about their culture was very interesting. As we were leaving, Random Child turns to me and says, "Why are there pictures of boobs?". Say what? And lo and behold as I survey the room there are indeed lots and lots of bare bosoms and as a bonus a there was also a nice sculpture. Now that, I say, is very interesting. After, I felt very relieved that Random chose to question me alone about the pictures instead of shouting it out loud or asking the Yogi personally, because usually, Random is completely without guile in this type of situation. Although relieved, I do admit that I would've liked some explanation for the peep show.

food storage anyone?

I'm teaching a class this Thursday at 7:00 in the Macey's little theatre. If you want to attend, you can go in and sign up or I believe that you can call the service desk and have them add you to the list. The class is all about making fun foods with your food storage (like fudge and tootsie rolls) and also about different ways to add items like nuts, candy, raisins to your inventory by vacuum sealing them in jars. I'm also teaching how to bottle butter. Post if you have any questions. I have a food storage site on the left hand side with the links if you'd like more info.

you know you've been living in Utah too long when...

I think Random Child is having an identity crisis because he thinks that he's white. I keep telling him that he's brown and polynesian, but he's not convinced. Nice.

Back off my stuff Random Child!

My beloved Random child has struck again. He has a knack for being able destroy things with a single touch. Oh if it weren't for his puppy dog eyes and constant hugs, I'm sure I would have sold him in a yard sale by now. He has, somehow managed to render Manly Man's car completely useless. While playing in the car on Thursday, he burned out the motor that pushes the driver's seat back and forth so the seat got stuck in a permanent position only inches from the windshield. Manly Man, thankfully, was only a few blocks away and drove with his legs pushed sideways and his face nearly pressed against the windshield. Manly Man worked into the wee hours of the night to un-bolt the seat and was quite unhappy about the whole situation; especially since Random has been reminded many times to stay away from the gizmos and gadgets in the Green Goblin (the pet name for our Accord).

Then, this morning as we were on our way to a baptism, I noticed that the passenger's seat of our other car was pushed almost all the way up, with Random's legs stretched out on the other side. Oh child, when will you learn? Random Child was quite relieved when I figured out how to put it back into position and was able to escape my wrath.

The upside of the story is that Manly Man had to take the day off to fix the Goblin and then got spend the rest of the day making BBQ and splashing at the water park with the rest of the fam like he wanted to. It's funny how things work out. It's almost as if Random Child knows exactly what he's doing in an annoying, round-about way. (PS. Please vote for our falling down house!)

Cheese...and lots of it!

I just finished reading The Host, and I must say that I really, really liked it. It has, however, come to my attention that according to some, this type of genre is very cheesy and un-scholastic, which is probably not even a word. What can I say to that other than that I am a very cheesy! I like Little House on the Prairie, The Brady Bunch, nada coladas, getting caught in the rain, warm soft fuzzy animals (humans included) with big brown eyes and even though Precious Moments figurines kinda creep me out, I'm starting to like those too.

Furthermore, I am a geek. I like Star Trek (I have owned several costumes) and Star Wars, and in High School I learned how to read and speak Latin because I thought that was cool. And I don't know why I just outed myself like that.

That being said, I'm going to stop worrying so much about my book choices, because frankly, it keeps my mind from turning to mush and keeps me from conversatin' about alligator underwears with Dimples. And....I just got Twilight and I'll be reading it to my hearts content. See ya!

I pity the fool!

I found fabulous Mr. T at DI the other day. I'm not sure why any reasonable person would need one, but it was only $1 and he his recorder still works-so I figured that I must be it's new owner. I think I'll save him for a really great white elephant gift. Oh and I checked him out on eBay and he's selling for about $100 bucks. Yikes!

seriously-what normal person could sleep like this?